Joke of the Day

[fixthecopier]

Cool time lapse of road work being done.... http://i.imgur.com/pHXrQOU.gif

[Brian8506]

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days
interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went into town and visited a shop.
When I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and I
said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored me and
continued writing the ticket. I called him an "asshole". He glared at me and started
writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So I called him a "shit head". He
finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then, he started
writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him,
the more tickets he wrote. Just after the Officer left, my bus arrived, and I got on it
and went home. I always look for cars with "OBAMA 2012 stickers. I try to have a little
fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at my age.

[Phrag]

Helium walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.

[fixthecopier]

http://i.imgur.com/DKtVehN.jpg

[Akitu]

A king has a slutty daughter who has had sex with practically everyone in the Kingdom. The King's services are needed elsewhere so he has to leave the Kingdom temporarily. Before he leaves he puts his faith in three of his most loyal men. He tells them to protect her and to ensure she doesn't mess around with other guys. For more cautious measures, the King slides a knife into his daughters vagina and asshole to ensure a nasty surprise for any man willing to bang her. The King leaves and before you know it he's back from his trip. The King asks for his 3 men to appear in front of him and asks if there were any problems? They all reply, "No". The King then asks for the men to pull their pants down. The first man has a cut on his penis and is escorted away as requested by the King. The second also has a cut and given the same treatment. The third man however has an uncut penis. The King says "Thank you so much for being honest and faithful to me. As King I shall reward you with anything you ask for. What would you like?" The third man replies "Pftpftblublpftp".

[fixthecopier]

If someone knows where to have these made as stickers, I want several. http://imgur.com/dm76HEY

[slimslob]

If someone knows where to have these made as stickers, I want several. http://imgur.com/dm76HEY

Why Not download the image and have some made?

[fixthecopier]

Why Not download the image and have some made?

Hmmm, They were setting up a new color Konica in the shop, I bet I could run some through there. I can just feed some partially used sticky labels I found.

[fixthecopier]

You know spring is here when you see your first Robin...http://i.imgur.com/N00LTvm.jpg

[Akitu]

One day, a wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. Naturally, she was very upset. “You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me! I’m a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce right away!”
The husband replied, “Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.”
“Go ahead,” she sobbed, “but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!”
So the husband began, “Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night. The ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments!
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has a pair the same.”
The husband took a quick breath and continued, “She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said…”
“Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?”