Joke of the Day

[slimslob]

[ZOOTECH]

You would have to be REALLY good friends for that to happen!

[NeoMatrix]

He appears to be stuck between rocks and a hard place....

[fixthecopier]

My wife and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theater.

Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn't want to leave them un-chaperoned so my wife ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.

Because I didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, I explained to him that my wife would be out momentarily as she was just bidding goodnight to my mother. A few minutes later she got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away.

"Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and i had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so i grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn't scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard....she had better not shit in the vegetable garden again."
The silence in the taxi was deafening.....

[Akitu]

In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.
One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"
"What do you mean strange?"
"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"
"So?"
"Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?"
"It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."

[fixthecopier]

Two cops are standing by the street side in New York City. A foreigner approaches them looking slightly panicked.
"Parlez vous Francais?" He asks them. The cops, not knowing a word of French merely shrug their shoulders at the man.
Frustrated, he asks them, "Hablan Espanol?" Again, the cops merely shrug.
The foreigner continues with the same result with Dutch, Russian, and German. Eventually, he leaves, knowing that there's no hope for him to communicate with the officers.
"I keep telling you we should learn more languages!" says one cop to the other.
"Why?" he responds. "That man knows five, and it didn't get him anywhere."

[Akitu]

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" usually mean the same thing...
Except at a funeral.

[NeoMatrix]

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" usually mean the same thing...
Except at a funeral.

I like to stay true to myself with the joke threads. When I chuckle out loud I hit the like button. I don't know why the above joke tickled me, maybe it's because Friday is not far away. Xmas is next on the list, and like me ,santa comes once a year.... Oh golly oh gosh I'm getting exited I can't wait.....

[nmfaxman]

True story:

Years ago, a guy I used to work with was fired and was living in his car and asked if he could stay with me until he scraped enough money to get to Phoenix and stay with his Mom.
I had a sofa that I really didn't use and let him sleep there.
Next day after work, I come home and the living room was clean. Went into the bathroom and it was clean.
Went into the kitchen where he was cooking dinner and I commented that it was like I was married again.
He looked me dead in the eye and said, "Don't expect a BJ".

I replied, now I really feel like I am married again.

[slimslob]

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" usually mean the same thing...
Except at a funeral.

I like to stay true to myself with the joke threads. When I chuckle out loud I hit the like button. I don't know why the above joke tickled me, maybe it's because Friday is not far away. Xmas is next on the list, and like me ,santa comes once a year.... Oh golly oh gosh I'm getting exited I can't wait.....

Yes but Akitu's post sounds more like a Random Thought than a Joke of the Day.