Thread: Joke of the Day

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    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.
    There is a store employee standing there with dark shades on.
    She says, "Excuse me sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
    He says, "Ma’am I’m blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."
    She didn’t believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said "That’s a 6′ graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line... It’s a good all around rod and reel and it’s $20.00."
    She says, "That’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it’s what I’m looking for so I’ll take it."
    He walks behind the counter to the register. And in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her... being blind he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.
    He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."
    She says, "But didn’t you say it was $20.00?"
    He says, "Yes ma’am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!"

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    Re: Joke of the Day




  3. #3133
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A man strides into a bar, grinning from ear to ear. He sets down at the bar and orders a beer. "In fact, make that a round on me."
    The bar cheers, and the bartender brings him his drink, he asks, "So, why the celebration?"
    "I am reinventing myself! A new man! Just a month ago, I was miserable. But then..." He laughs. "Then my life changed! I had to put it all behind me. I always wanted to live in California, so I sold everything I had, broke my lease, and moved here. I got an apartment right over there across from the bar, and just today I landed my dream job." He drains half his beer, "Life is GREAT!"
    The bartender stands back and beams, hands on his hips, sharing the man's joy, "That's great man...y'know, most guys would not have the balls to pack up and leave like that."
    At that, the man lets out a peal of laughter, spilling his beer and nearly falling off his stool. "And that's the kicker! I don't have ANY balls! None at all!" As you might expect, the bartender looked confused. The man leans over the bar. "You see, starting about 10 years ago, I started getting terrible headaches. I mean they were crippling, man. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't eat, Couldn't work...hell, sometimes I could barely walk. And they just kept getting worse. I finally found a doc that found the problem....turns out it was something with my balls, pressing into the base of my spine. The pressure was causing the headaches. I mean...it was a hard decision...but the headaches were ruining my life. I was damn near suicidal. So...well...off they came. And now I'm completely reinventing myself. Next step, get a new wardrobe." He holds up his glass in a toast and drains it, waggling for another as he swallows.
    The bartender's jaw has dropped. "That...that's incredible." He turns to fill the glass and looks up as the beer pours in. "Hey...y'know... I think I can set you up." he looks up over the bar and scans around. He quickly sees who he's looking for. "Barry! Hey Barry, get over here...this man needs a new suit." He looks back to the new customer. "This guy's amazing, totally old school. Can size a guy just by looking at him. Makes all of his suits himself, and I'll get him to cut you a deal."
    Up walks a thin, bespectacled, immaculately dressed elderly man. He approaches the bar, "Yes?", he says in a clipped voice.
    "Got a customer for ya, Barry. Treat him nice, he's been through a lot."
    "Ah! You are wanting a new suit?" He looks the man up and down. He pulls his spectacles down on his nose. "A...reinvention of yourself?"
    Then man beams, "Yes! Exactly! new job, new city, new friends...and now I need a new suit."
    "Hmmm...collar is 15, yes?"
    "Yes! Exactly!"
    "42 long jacket feels to long, 42 feels too short, yes?"
    "Yes! Exactly!"
    "I will cut it custom for you. Tall and slender...waist 32..inseam 34..."
    "Ah...you got the waist right, but I'm a 32 inseam. Always have been."
    Barry waves his hand dismissively and continues his examination. "No...no..you are are a 34 inseam. 32 is too short. A 32 would push your balls right up into your spine. Give you one hell of a headache."
    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  4. #3134
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Akitu View Post
    No evidence is good enough for a Creationist...
    But no evidence is good enough for a Creationist.
    There is a difference between helping Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping Uncle Jack off a horse.... ....
    Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
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  5. #3135
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by NeoMatrix View Post
    There is a difference between helping Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping Uncle Jack off a horse.... ....
    Grammar is correct, the joke lies in the inflection.
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  6. #3136
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A student goes to talk to his professor about his grade.
    The student comes up to the professor, "What is this, why did you grade me an 80?"
    The professor looks at the exam again, "Yep, an 80 is what you deserve"
    The student takes the exam back, and asks "If I'll bite my own eye, will you give me an 85?" The professor is surprised, but still he agrees, at which point the student then takes out his glass eye - and bites it.
    The shocked professor then takes the exam back, and marks it 85. The student then says "If I'll bite my nose, will you give me a 90?" The professor is once again shocked, "He can't pull out his nose" he thinks to himself. He finally agrees, at which point the student takes out his dentures, and bites his own nose.
    The professor then once again takes the exam, and marks the grade 90.
    The student then makes another offer: "If I'll get up on this table, and pee the perfume Coco Chanel on you, will you give me a 100?"
    The professor now has to see what this kid can do, so he agrees. The student goes on the table, and pees all over the professor, the professor's shirt is soaking wet, as he goes to to sniff it. "What the hell?! This isn't Coco Chanel! This is piss!"
    The student then goes "Fine, we'll leave it at 90".
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  7. #3137
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts Debs1964's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    99% of the people in this world are stupid, luckily I'm part of the other 5%
    There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don't

  8. #3138
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    That would be a great bumper sticker...Emujo
    If you don't see your question answered in the forum, please don't think it's OK to PM me for a personal reply...I do not give out firmware and/or manuals.

  9. #3139
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Akitu View Post
    Grammar is correct, the joke lies in the inflection.

    My uncle had a stallion named "Inflection".... or was that "Infection".

    Aaaah! that would explain Uncle Jacks job....
    Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
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  10. #3140
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    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    so business was very bad and he had to decide who he was going to let go.he had two new staff mary and jack .
    he called mary in and said im sorry but i must choose its either you or jack off.
    she said you better do the other because its the wrong time of the month.

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