Christmas memories...

[fixthecopier]

This is a Christmas story from my wife's family that pretty much sums up how dysfunctional they are. I was reminded of it while listening to my wife talk to her mother about this years Christmas dinner. You see, cousin Joseph will not be there as he is in prison again. This time for missing a court appearance related to when he stole band equipment from a bar run by the Hells Angles. He returned the stuff when he found out who he had robbed, but they still want him dead. I think he skipped court thinking they would be there.

I have got a little ahead of myself. Let me introduce you to Joseph. A comedian once said, "If a boy grows up calling his grandma mother, and his mother by her first name, he is destine for prison." This is him. His mother was and is a hard parting whore and grandma raised him. He is bipolar, 6 foot 1 inch tall, thin and covered in tattoos, listens to hard core metal, lies every other thing he says, well, you get the picture. He claims to have religion and calls himself a preacher.

Each year we gather at my mother in laws for dinner at Christmas. Several years ago we were there as was Joseph's girlfriend, newborn baby named Elvis, his mom-grandma and many other family members. Joseph was spending the holiday at the county jail. Everyone was there, the food was ready and I couldn't understand why we were waiting. Then the phone rang. Mother in law answers, hands phone to Joseph's grandma who then says to everyone, "Listen up everybody." She holds the phone out and we hear Joseph's voice, from jail, "Dear heavenly father....About halfway through the blessing, little Elvis starts to cry. My wife ask why he was crying and I replied "Because he knows that's his father on the phone"


That is correct. We were waiting for a phone call from an inmate in the county jail to say the blessing and start the party. Reminds me of a Jeff Foxworthy joke, You might be a redneck if...

And that is my favorite Christmas memory from my wife's family. If it happens again this year, we will film it.

[Lagonda]

Makes Christmas with my sister-in-law seem quite normal.
As someone once said, your stuck with your family, be thankful you can chose your friends.