What was your biggest oopsy on a call??

[Shadow1]

DO NOT under any circumstances attempt to vacuum up a fart!

Here's the scenario: Chinese for lunch, and I am beginning to understand sublimation - the physical process by which a solid transforms directly into a gas.

I'm vacuuming out an MP3500 that was in its normal state of existence - absolutely filthy - and I feel this one rumbling around in my gut and headed for the exit like a freight train.

As usual, I'm sitting on my vacuum while working, so I figure the sound will get drowned out, and if I tip the hose in the right direction the rest will get sucked up and never heard from again. Hey, why not - it works for toner, right? WRONG!

First of all, if you ever try to fart while sitting on top of a 3M vacuum things get kinda squished together and rearranged, so you end up ripping the world's loudest squeaker. Think of an air horn attached to a jet engine - easily heard over the loudest vac. Of course this is enough to frighten anyone and when I jumped the tone changed, so not only does everyone within a 50 mile radius know I farted, but they think I'm playing with it. If I could have died right then, I would have... gladly... and played "Taps" for myself on the a$$ trumpet. My only consolation was there were very few people in the area.

Worse than the noise were the vapors. Pray a hostile army never gets hold of anything like this - our surrender would be immediate. I don't know why on earth I ever thought something like that would get trapped in the filter except that it was mean enough to have teeth.

A normal fart will spread out slightly, rise to the roof, and get sucked into the A/C returns to go visit someone else - A Vacuum cleaner, on the other hand, makes a very efficient air blender. Blasting that beast through my vac pissed it off, whipped it into a froth, and sprayed a heavy coat of funk all over the room.

The other people in the area cracked a few jokes, but didn't make too big of a deal about it. After that performance somebody has to say something about "the elephant in the room" ;-)

I finished the call as fast as I could before any other disasters could happen and though I could put the whole incident - er - behind me... until my next call when I discovered part of the beast did get trapped in the filter after all.

After I finally got over the humiliation and told the story I got zinged again:

"You know, you got lucky."
"How so??"
"Farts are flammable, and the motor could be an ignition source"
"I think I would have been luckier if it blew me up," But then I started getting mental pictures of my vacuum blasting off and flying around the room like a fart powered 747

[mikadonovan]

In the famous words of Imind..............hehehehe!

[vincent64]

"Here's the scenario: Chinese for lunch, and I am beginning to understand sublimation - the physical process by which a solid transforms directly into a gas."

First a lot of us copier techs love chinese buffetts, 2nd thing stay away from anything with brocoli in it, its like rocket fuel for a fart machine, rocket fuel with twin turbos on it.
And I have heard that farts are flamable as well, but it takes a lot more then one.
I have heard of someone using a can of air, and toner vac at the same time, well check your air cans, some of them are flamable, vac sucks some of the can air, hits the brushes, FOOOMMM!!!!
A bit of flame shoots out, and moves the vac a foot or so I was told.
BTW, loved the fart story, glad I was not drinking anything, or would have sprayed tea all over my laptop.

[mrwho]

It happens frequently that I need to go to the customer's WC in the middle of a service call - by bowels are just like that.

It's also common for a customer, after I go to the little boy's room, to go hastily - but quietly - open the windows (or turn on the ventilation) and close the door - as my wife could tell you, if you can imagine the stench of some rotten potatoes with a whiff of sewage water and some cow dung for good measure, well... mine's worse!

EDIT: Some rep up for shadow1 - that story should be sculpted in stone!

[mrwho]

5 minutes ago:

On a slippery sidewalk going downhill, carrying my laptop and some electrical boards for testing, I slipped and ended up sitting on top of a power supply.

I guess my paycheck wouldn't be enough to pay for the damned thing if my boss decided to make me pay for it.

Hell, sometimes I hate this job...

[Lagonda]

DO NOT under any circumstances attempt to vacuum up a fart!

Thanks for that story Shadow, you brightened up a very $hitty Wednesday morning!!

[ZOOTECH]

EDIT: Some rep up for shadow1 - that story should be sculpted in stone!

I'll second that motion (if it was one).

[Shadow1]

It's a lot funnier reading it that living it!!! I think everyone has ripped one at the wrong time, I just got lucky and had a funny way of telling it.

I had another one happen to me today. I'm in C900 school in Atlanta this week, and as anybody who's ever been at Ricoh U knows, the lunches are O.K. but sometimes they don't sit well.

Well, this one didn't want to sit at all - it stood up and barked. I made it to the bathroom without incident, dropped trou, and let 'er rip... followed shortly by the guy in the next stall.

The Express Purge.
Explosive Diarrhea.
Orbital Velocity on the Rocket S**t
Frothing Green Fart Squirts.
Spray Painting the Bowl.
Ripping the Ragged Brown Note.
Making Waves in the Porcelain Pool.

Whatever you want to call it we both had it bad.

Bad.

Just when I figured we both had reached the point of finish or faint the voice connected to the pair of shoes next to me said "Dueling Banjo's?"

At that point I needed a laugh. So now anybody near that bathroom has the beautiful memory of 5 minutes of grunts and farts followed by 5 minutes of laughter and "school girl giggles"

I don't know who belonged to those shoes - we made sure to exit at different times so as not to have to face eachother. Some mysteries are best left mysterious.

[Ikon Princess]

omg I am dying here I think I need to clean my screen now

[vincent64]

It's a lot funnier reading it that living it!!! I think everyone has ripped one at the wrong time, I just got lucky and had a funny way of telling it.

I had another one happen to me today. I'm in C900 school in Atlanta this week, and as anybody who's ever been at Ricoh U knows, the lunches are O.K. but sometimes they don't sit well.

Well, this one didn't want to sit at all - it stood up and barked. I made it to the bathroom without incident, dropped trou, and let 'er rip... followed shortly by the guy in the next stall.

The Express Purge.
Explosive Diarrhea.
Orbital Velocity on the Rocket S**t
Frothing Green Fart Squirts.
Spray Painting the Bowl.
Ripping the Ragged Brown Note.
Making Waves in the Porcelain Pool.

Whatever you want to call it we both had it bad.

Bad.

Just when I figured we both had reached the point of finish or faint the voice connected to the pair of shoes next to me said "Dueling Banjo's?"

At that point I needed a laugh. So now anybody near that bathroom has the beautiful memory of 5 minutes of grunts and farts followed by 5 minutes of laughter and "school girl giggles"

I don't know who belonged to those shoes - we made sure to exit at different times so as not to have to face eachother. Some mysteries are best left mysterious.

Ya'll sure you were not on America's Got Talent the other night
Had me laughing so hard, thats what I call a gut buster, no pun on your plight, but it was side splitting