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  1. #21
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts
    ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~


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    Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

    A few things I hear a lot:

    Machine is in pieces and customer says "are you going to be able to put that back together"

    "Back again", (you haven't been there for almost a year)

    "Lucky you got here when you did, we were ready to roll copier outside"


    Also see attached document. It is something a tech gave me a long time ago. Check it out.

    Attached Files Attached Files

  2. #22
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

    Quote Originally Posted by Lagonda View Post
    Just tell them it was the flux capacitor.

    Yesss.

    Re : Worthy replies to management intellect.

    (arrogent mode on)

    ... The flux capacitor couldn't get a resonance phase lock an therefore the discriminator wouldn't frequency modulate(FM) in the IF mixer or RF output stage. If you don't have the correct phase angle the copier will not modulate with your office Coffee machine or your Water cooler. If the copier phase angle is thrown out, then every bodies phased out,and there's a lot of capacitive flux flying around every where.....

    So, it's really important to treat your copier in a nice way, it keeps every thing in phase.....

    joking ... I would luv to really say that to management sometimes.


    ... Aside
    The last standover (womens liberated) manager who insisted her standover ego/fear management policy works on every person, insist I tell her why the machine was not working up to her gratified level of management diligence. Pausing for a moment to rumage through my analytical cognitive process(brain), I came to the conclusion she had a level of intellect worthy of an educated reply. So I spoke to her in normal copier technician lanuage. She looked at me like a deer-in-the-headlights and said "Oookay" and walked off. I went back to fixing the copier.

    So, I arrive back to our office and the boss said , I belive that will be your first and last call to xyz company. Mrs "womens-liberted" said "she doesn't like your attitude." Oh!, I just explain to her what was wrong with the copier. She obviously didn't have a clue what I said and was upset that someone knew more than she did. I honestly never gave her attitude nor arrogance at any time. It was my first call to that location.

    I did go back to xyz company and the same women owner/manager left me alone. I believe she was quiet humbled and some how realised that the world is bigger than her tiny fish bowl size level of management.

    There are a small number of office managers out there who arrogantly believe (heart and soul) that the entire world rotates on it's axis around their business, who arrogantly assert that the entire universe will stop if their copier is not fixed at their command. Unless it's for use in the medical industry,I'm sorry, I'm not going to instantly dance to the beat of the management drum.



    Yer,I'm waffling on again....

    Last edited by NeoMatrix; 10-23-2016 at 12:21 AM.
    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
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  3. #23
    Master Of The Obvious 10,000+ Posts
    ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

    blackcat4866's Avatar
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    Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

    In situations like this I find I have become the master of the non-answer. Like a political candidate, you can ask me what I'm going to do about the tax situation, and I'll tell you how many inches of rain fell in Bogata. This technique is especially useful when I don't a clue what it was that fixed the machine, just that it is fixed. =^..^=

    If you'd like a serious answer to your request:
    1) demonstrate that you've read the manual
    2) demonstrate that you made some attempt to fix it.
    3) if you're going to ask about jams include the jam code.
    4) if you're going to ask about an error code include the error code.


    blackcat: Master Of The Obvious =^..^=

  4. #24
    Just a fellow wanderer 2,500+ Posts Iowatech's Avatar
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    Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

    Quote Originally Posted by Lagonda View Post
    Just tell them it was the flux capacitor.
    Or, you can make up your own description too. For example, I've used osteopathic rhombus. And magic smoke.
    Just don't use that sort of thing too frequently, as it turns out that some people are far more intelligent than you'd think based on their actions when you are around.


  5. #25
    Trusted Tech 50+ Posts Qball's Avatar
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    Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Spock View Post
    "Can you come to my house and clean my carpets?"
    Must. Maintain. Professionalism!




    Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk


  6. #26
    RTFM!! 2,500+ Posts allan's Avatar
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    Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

    Here something to do...

    After servicing switch the machine off and leave to cool a bit.

    Spray a nice layer of spray oil on the fuser rollers and leave the seen.

    Who does not like a nice smoky machine.

    Whatever

  7. #27
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
    ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

    Lagonda's Avatar
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    Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

    "And I'm a personal friend of your Managing Director"
    I mumbled under my breath that that put a lie to the rumour that he didn't have any friends and that innocuous statement did get back to the boss but he never worked out who the tech was that said it.

    At least 50% of IT is a solution looking for a problem.

  8. #28
    Technician tommygun's Avatar
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    Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

    my all time favourite is.

    me: i believe it was the coffee spilt on the detection sensors (adf)
    customer: no one here drinks coffee though
    meanwhile coffee machine is in eyesight of copier with someone using it and you can clearly hear it

    i just laughed and said cya next time


  9. #29
    Copier Combobulator 250+ Posts
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    Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

    Quote Originally Posted by tommygun View Post
    my all time favourite is.

    me: i believe it was the coffee spilt on the detection sensors (adf)
    customer: no one here drinks coffee though
    meanwhile coffee machine is in eyesight of copier with someone using it and you can clearly hear it

    i just laughed and said cya next time
    I pulled the plastic blister pack for a piece of nicotine gum out of the tray lift gears of one of those small side hanging finishers. When I showed it to the customer she said something like "Didn't that guy that just retire mention something about quitting smoking" No he didn't. I checked with my boss later and the guy hadn't smoked for some ten years or more.

    Mind you I never accused them of anything, just stated what I found where.


  10. #30
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
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    Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

    Some of my comebacks...


    It's a piece of crap. It is broke all the time.

    I have a lot of these in the field and this is the only one I visit this often. I wonder why?


    We are going to get you an office here.

    No thanks, I have skills. I can do better.


    I never had this problem with my old one.

    Well you really screwed up when you let that piece of technology go.


    Can we get a new one?

    No, you can't. If you could, you would have one already.


    I have a friend that works for ****** and he says their copiers don't break down as often.

    Oh yeah, I have a friend that also works there. They sell the same brands as we do and he says they have the same problems we do. I am guessing your friend is looking for a sale.


    The part cost how much? Hell I could get a new copier for that.

    So, you're telling me you have no idea how much copiers cost.


    Me, holding a part of a plotter that I should not be able to hold. "What the hell"

    Customer..."a couple of our guys tried to fix it."

    Me..."Oh, I see. I am doubling your bill"'


    Can I make a copy?

    Sure

    It's not working.

    I didn't think it would with these parts out of it.

    Why did you let me stand there like an idiot?

    You saw me here working on it. I thought maybe you knew something I didn't know.



    Wow, are you going to remember how to put it back together?

    It's times like this I wish I hadn't skipped reassembly class.

    { customer looking confused}

    I'm just kidding, I haven't had any training. Hell, I just got out of prison last month.

    Democracy is still the worst form of government, except for all the rest of them.

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