What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Had a tech go to a customer who was complaining that the copier was running to fast. So the tech took the power cord tied a knot in it and told the customer that it would slow down the electrons and we never heard her complain about again.

[schooltech]

I have two Ricoh 1075’s side-by-side at one location. Early on, after I installed them, one was having a slight jamming problem (torque limiter, which I fixed) and the dedicated copy ‘person’ said to me, “That machine is a piece of crap, it always jams.” So, I waited until she left, went back to the location, and swapped the machine, so now the machine that once was jamming is in the other location where the ‘perfect’ machine was at.
I stopped in the next day and asked how it was running. She continued to say, “That machine is still a piece of crap, it always jams.” Now, she JUST ran the machine that she thought was the perfect machine, but was now the supposed 'piece of crap.' I still have a little internal chuckle when I see her and the machines, as I regularly have to swap the machines to even out the meters, since she likes to run the 'good' one more often, well that and the fact that she doesn't like to walk an extra four feet to the other one.

Perception is their own reality sometimes.

Since tying the power cord in a knot seems to slow the copier down (I love it) then what can we do to combat 'the copier has been running too hot' thing? Do we just install the A/C option? Man, I'm tired of hearing that.

[Shadow1]

So the tech took the power cord tied a knot in it and told the customer that it would slow down the electrons and we never heard her complain about again.

What do we do for "It seems like it used to be a lot faster"

[jpcopy]

tell them time for a inshop rebuild and loan them a much slower machine

[seniortech]

Had to go to a machine a few years ago because customer complained that if they wanted one copy they were getting 100's. after swapping keypads and control boards fault did not go away. Swapped machine with one from another floor as we were convinced by then it was a customer fault. The fault remained despite machine being changed but we could not replicate it when on site.

My manager asked me to sit with the machine all day to try and find out what was happening. After several hours a short lady very well endowed up top lifted the lid to do some copying and her 'chest' pressed on the keypad changing the copy count-problem sorted. It was fun explaining this to the customer...

[fixthecopier]

What do we do for "It seems like it used to be a lot faster"

I actually had that as a service call, and they were correct!
I am watching an old Di520 run and after a few copies it would jam in the finisher. I would watch and it looked like the finisher was running a little slower than the body of the machine. I told myself that is was not possible. I continued to watch and it continued to look like it was slower. I took the covers off and watched again. Still the timing was off. I look closer and there seems to be something on the gears. I touch it and it was sticky. I smell it and it smells sweet. After thinking for a moment, I realized they had spilled a Mellow Yellow down the finisher and the stuff had dried to a thick syrup and was gumming up the works. Hosed it down with WD-40 and it worked fine.

[mjarbar]

A customer called today to cancel a call because the (and I quote) "the machine had a good sleep last night and now seems to be working!"

1 hour later they called back to place the call again

I despair...I truly do.

[HB_AL]

a customer rang us up and said they had ran out of paper, they were extremely desperate and could we please fax over a dozen sheets

[mrwho]

- A new customer from the company where I used to work was complaining because, during the explaining of the brand new machine functions, I mentioned that we wouldn't go put the toner inside the machine - and that we should, because she signed a contract telling so. I patiently tried to explain her that the contract only meant that we would be supplying the toner, the machine operator was still responsible for putting the toner on the machine. I then, as an example, said that it would be like going there to fill up the paper tray - and she opened her eyes in disbelief saying "What? You DON'T put the paper on the trays??!?"

- Also some years ago a colleague of mine was happily sitting down while servicing a machine - you know the drill: parts everywhere, machine with doors opened, screws and washers abound, tools all over the place -, and he happened to have the OPC drum on his hands when he noticed the boss of the company owning the machine looking over his shoulder. As my colleague looked back with an inquisitive look (as if saying "can I help?"), the other guy said "Oh, don't mind me! I'm just waiting for a print to come out!"
My colleague looked at him for a couple of seconds, shrugged and said "Ok!" and continued working (he told me that as far as he was concerned, the other guy could very well wait until he was done).
A couple of minutes later, the waiting dude said "Oh, silly me! You're working on the machine! I'll print it elsewhere." and went away.

[fixthecopier]

The call was "changed toner in printer and it still says change the toner.
I arrive and look at the printer. "Who changed the toner?"I asked
"I did" said the Sargent as he walked toward me .
"Show me the box" I said.
He holds up the box for black toner.
"The machine is clearly asking for yellow, why did you put black in it?"
Long pause followed by "You mean there is more than one color in that machine?" to which I responded "Yes that is why it is known as a color printer, do they really let you play with guns?"