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Thread: Jokes

  1. #101
    just one copy?? 500+ Posts
    Jokes

    jonezy999's Avatar
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    Salesman walks into the doctors clinic with a toad growing out of his head.
    Doc notices the man and says 'bloody hell mate, that looks nasty!!"
    Toads replies, "Fucken oath mate, it started as a pimple on my arse!"

  2. #102
    Geek Extraordinaire 2,500+ Posts KenB's Avatar
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    I got a sweater for my birthday.

    I would have preferred a screamer or a moaner.
    “I think you should treat good friends like a fine wine. That’s why I keep mine locked up in the basement.” - Tim Hawkins

  3. #103
    FORMER Techie 1,000+ Posts tcs04's Avatar
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    A Woman walks into a bar with a Duck under one arm,

    The Barman says "You can't bring that Dog in here"

    She says "It's not a Dog, it's a Duck!"

    The Barman says "I was taking to the Duck!"

  4. #104
    Selous
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    A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

    "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
    The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
    The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

    A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
    "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

  5. #105
    Senior Tech 100+ Posts AyJayAreDii's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BLADE View Post
    a nuetron walks into a bar and asks 'how much for a beer'? barman replies 'for you no charge'
    Two atoms in a bar, First one says, "I think I have lost an electron" second one says "are you sure?". First one says "Yes I am positive"

  6. #106
    toner monkey 100+ Posts jamesyboy's Avatar
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    hard times ! just been to pets r us they have called in the retrivers

  7. #107
    Senior Tech 100+ Posts AyJayAreDii's Avatar
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  8. #108
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
    Jokes

    prntrfxr's Avatar
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    This is real. A sign in a Belgrade elevator:

    TO MOVE THE CABIN, PUSH BUTTON FOR WISHING FLOOR. IF THE CABIN SHOULD ENTER MORE PERSONS, EACH ONE SHOULD PRESS A NUMBER OF WISHING FLOOR. DRIVING IS THEN GOING ALPHABETICALLY BY NATIONAL ORDER.
    Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Coke in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!".

  9. #109
    Senior Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Jokes

    mikadonovan's Avatar
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    No writee vewy English good!
    NEVER ASSUME ANYTHING

  10. #110
    FORMER Techie 1,000+ Posts tcs04's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prntrfxr View Post
    This is real. A sign in a Belgrade elevator:

    TO MOVE THE CABIN, PUSH BUTTON FOR WISHING FLOOR. IF THE CABIN SHOULD ENTER MORE PERSONS, EACH ONE SHOULD PRESS A NUMBER OF WISHING FLOOR. DRIVING IS THEN GOING ALPHABETICALLY BY NATIONAL ORDER.
    We NEED one for customers starting....

    "To be copying on the paper"... etc! suggestions????

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