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Thread: Jokes

  1. #121
    Tech 100+ Posts mabawser's Avatar
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    tramps

    A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock on the door. When he answers, a tramp asks him for a toothpick. He gives him a tooth pick and the tramp goes off.

    A few minutes later there is a second knock on the door, there is a second tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his tooth pick and off he goes.

    There is a third knock on the door and a third tramp is there. The landlord says "Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too?".

    No a straw, says the tramp.

    The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it, so he asks the tramp why a straw and not a toothpick?

    the tramp replies "someones just been sick outside but all the good stuffs gone already!"


  2. #122
    Geek Extraordinaire 2,500+ Posts KenB's Avatar
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    Major Idiot

    Hey,did you hear about the total dork who spent a whole $800 on a Canon toy, thinks he knows everything about everything, and starts multiple meaningless threads on topics he knows nothing about?

    I think we all have by now.
    “I think you should treat good friends like a fine wine. That’s why I keep mine locked up in the basement.” - Tim Hawkins

  3. #123
    Major Asshole! 2,500+ Posts
    Jokes

    mrwho's Avatar
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    Why did aab1 cross the road?

    Because there was an inkjet on the other side!

    ' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
    Mascan42

    'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'

    Ibid

    I'm just an ex-tech lurking around and spreading disinformation!

  4. #124
    All things Konica Minolta 1,000+ Posts Stirton.M's Avatar
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    aab1 dies and goes straight to hell for having lived a sinful life, and upon his arrival Satan asks him, "Do you like injets?"

    "Absolutely," says aab1.

    "Well, you'll love Thursdays then," says Satan. "All we do is with print with inkjets - anything you want. And you're dead, so there's no paper limit."

    "Sweet!" says aab1.

    "Do you like to refill toner cartridges? asks Satan. "Because it's same deal on Friday - all the toner cartridges you can possibly fill without any side effects."

    "Awesome!" says aab1. "There has to be some catch to all of this?"

    "Not at all," says Satan. "You're gay, right?"

    "No," says aab1.

    "Not even a little bit gay?" Satan asks.

    "Not at all," says aab1.

    "Oh, well, then Saturdays are going to be a little rough!"
    "Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls."
    ---Groucho Marx


    Please do not PM me for questions related to Konica Minolta hardware.
    I will not answer requests or questions there.
    Please ask in the KM forum for the benefit of others to see the question and give their input.

  5. #125
    grumpy old git 500+ Posts banginbishop's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    Man goes to the Dr's & says "I've been shagging the wife for 10yrs now & she is getting a bit loose, can you suggest anything to tighten her up a little bit?" Dr says "Well, this is a bit of a taboo subject, but have you tried using the other hole?" he says "WHAAT!!?? and end up with a house full of kids!!"

    paddy says "mick i'm thinking of buying a labrador."
    "feck that" says mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"



    Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how "do you know?" He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!"



    I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg"


    I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency...

    all credit goes to a bikers website in the uk

  6. #126
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Jokes

    Akitu's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by banginbishop View Post
    Man goes to the Dr's & says "I've been shagging the wife for 10yrs now & she is getting a bit loose, can you suggest anything to tighten her up a little bit?" Dr says "Well, this is a bit of a taboo subject, but have you tried using the other hole?" he says "WHAAT!!?? and end up with a house full of kids!!"

    paddy says "mick i'm thinking of buying a labrador."
    "feck that" says mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"



    Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how "do you know?" He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!"



    I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg"


    I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency...

    all credit goes to a bikers website in the uk
    I would suggest eHarmony, but I've been banned from there.

    While filling out the questionnaire, question 14 "What do you like most in a woman?", I had responded with "My D***", apparently that wasn't an acceptable answer.
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  7. #127
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts Wild Bill's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    What Micheal Jackson Song will they play at Rodney King's Funeral.

    Beat It!!!!!!!!!!
    Izzy

  8. #128
    grumpy old git 500+ Posts banginbishop's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    found on facebook
    Attached Images Attached Images

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