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Thread: Jokes

  1. #11
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
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    Two [ select ethnic group of your choice ] were walking down the road when one of them see's a dog laying in the road licking his private parts. "Boy I wish I could do that" says one of the men. "You better not, that son of a bitch might bite you" says the other.
    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  2. #12
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
    Jokes

    nmfaxman's Avatar
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    How many salespeople does it take to screw in a light bulb?


    None, they get a tech to do it for them.

  3. #13
    Adeptus Mechanicus Magos 500+ Posts
    Jokes

    mjarbar's Avatar
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    A police officer stops a motorist and approaches the car:

    "Do you know you were doing 90miles per hour down this road" says the officer
    "But I haven't been out an hour!" says the driver,
    "Oh very funny - what's your name?"
    "Why - Don't you have one?"
    "Oh so your not telling me! Have you got a police record?"
    "I've got 'Walking on the moon' if you want it!"

    Not one of mine but paraphrased from a British stand up called Mike Read, sadly no longer with us but there is a lot of stuff of his on YouTube if you want a look.
    The impossible is easy - miracles take a little longer
    So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.

  4. #14
    Tech 100+ Posts mabawser's Avatar
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    A convict breaks into a house, he ties up the husband and wife who live there.
    He jumps on the wife and kisses her on the ear, then runs to the bathroom.
    The husband whispers to his wife "satisfy him or he will kill us. I saw the way he kissed you!,just be strong. I love you"
    The wife replies "he didnt kiss me, he whispered in my ear thats hes gay, horny and looking for vaseline.
    I told him its in the bathroom. Lets see whos fucking strong now!!

  5. #15
    giantmonster
    Guest

    re:

    Fact Of Life:

    After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F!!!!!

  6. #16
    grumpy old git 500+ Posts banginbishop's Avatar
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    Just watched the news for the deaf about the floods.the sign language woman gave up trying to explain cockermouth

  7. #17
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts Jules Winfield's Avatar
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    What's the difference between a gay guy and a refrigerator?

    A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out...
    But I'm trying, Ringo. I'm trying real hard... to be the Shepherd.

  8. #18
    Technical/IT Support 500+ Posts Venom's Avatar
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    What's the difference between a golf ball and a truck?

    Tiger can drive a golf ball 300 yards without hitting a tree.

  9. #19
    grumpy old git 500+ Posts banginbishop's Avatar
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    HOOKED
    BEEF
    OIL
    WHALE


    I'll bet you can't say that in reverse order without sounding like an irishman swearing

  10. #20
    grumpy old git 500+ Posts banginbishop's Avatar
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    2 italian men are sitting on a bus.

    A lady is sitting near by but ignores them at first, but then her attention is galvanized by the conversation.

    "emma come first. Den i come. den two asses come together, i come once a more two asses they come together again i come again and pee twice then i coma one last time.

    The lady is disgusted and shouts "you foulla mouth sex obsesed pig - in this country we donta talk abouta sex"

    The man replies "whos talking about sex im just atelling my friend how you spell MISSISSIPPI"

    £10 says your gona read this again.

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