Now I know the truth, speaking English is what kills you.

[prntrfxr]

Now we know the truth!



DR. Hu Givachet

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape! Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Coke in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!"

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

[blackcat4866]

Well that explains a lot. =^..^=

[charm5496]

I feel enlightened now! Taking this with me to my physician on my next appointment,

[lonesome]

LOL! very informative. Seriously, what is it about Americans that make us prone to a lot of diseases than everybody else?? Is it a curse or something?

[acusso1234]

Sorry, no time to answer...I'm going to drink some red wine...

[minimerlin]

I never realised that Americans spoke English!!lol

[Brian8506]

LMAO

[prntrfxr]

I think it is the amount of convenience foods and processed foods we eat. There is very little actual food value. Add that to the fact that we are rushing about and many of us don't stop to eat some meals that we should in the day. Everything over here has to have a shelf life. Women are not taught to cook by their mothers, since most of them were working. So, Hamburger Helper and other box meals have become the norm or we eat out because we're too tired to cook. Late for work and it's pop tarts, pastry, or some other quick eat and run food for breakfast, if it's eaten. Hot pockets or McDonald's for lunch(we know how good that is for you).

My grandmother worked hard all her life, but she always had a good breakfast (always included a banana, which I am convinced was her secret). She ate bacon fat and butter in her cooking. Vegetables came from the garden, they weren't injecting hormones in the meat, and we drank well water. Made us crapes with brown sugar for breakfast. Baked homemade bread for us. God, but I miss that! She was up early every morning and went to bed late, but took an afternoon nap. She lived to be 93, was very happy, and active 'til the end. She never had a bad word to say about anyone and sang or whistled all day long, while she worked. Everyone who ever met her, loved her. If she were alive now, I still wouldn't be able to keep up with her.

I never realised that Americans spoke English!!lol

We don't, but no one in England does either. Especially in the highlands! LOL.

[KenB]

GO AWAY!!!