One Liners

[mojorolla]

"I'm busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest."

"If it has tits or tires, you will have problems with it."

Present company excluded of course...

[Venom]

How can I love you if you won't lie down...
or
How can I miss you if you won't go away...

[jonezy999]

Busier than a one armed brick layer in Baghdad

[Jules Winfield]

How can I love you if you won't lie down...
or
How can I miss you if you won't go away...

or
How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die?

[11x17]

It takes many nails to build a baby crib but only one screw to fill it.

If you walk through airport turnstile sideways you are going to Bangkok!

[DWise]

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

[Venom]

Did you know “listen” and “silent” use the same letters?

Do you know that the words “race car” spelled backwards still spells “race car”?

And that “eat” is the only word that if you take the first letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense “ate”?

And have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in “illegal immigrants,” and add just a few more letters, it spells: “Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, baby-making, non-English-speaking jackasses and take those other hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-loving, raggedy-ass bastards with you.”

How weird is that?

[Brian8506]

Busier than a one armed brick layer in Baghdad

Or busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest

[Jules Winfield]

And have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in “illegal immigrants,” and add just a few more letters, it spells: “Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, baby-making, non-English-speaking jackasses and take those other hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-loving, raggedy-ass bastards with you.”

How weird is that?

You forgot welfare-scamming and lottery-winning...

[jonhiker]

Jumpier than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs

last week i shot an elephant in my pajamas, how he got in there. I'll never know - Groucho Marx