WHY, WHY, WHY?

[ZOOTECH]

Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds when they already know you're broke? Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe, you believe them but, if they tell you there is wet paint, you have to touch it to check? Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"? If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the first end you try? How do those dead bugs get into enclosed light fixtures? Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? And my FAVORITE¦ The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're OK, then it's you. **A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine! And a day without sunshine is, like, night.**

[copiman]

Thanks Zoo, Reminds me of George Carlin.

[ZOOTECH]

Thanks Zoo, Reminds me of George Carlin.

Yeah, like why do we park in the driveway, but drive on the parkway.

[TheOwl]

Why is it that you can snap a stick in half and still have two sticks, but not get two dogs when you snap one of them in half?

[DWise]

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

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Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

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If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?


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If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?


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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?


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If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

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If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? ?

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Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'

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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

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If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

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Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

[mojorolla]

Why is it that you can snap a stick in half and still have two sticks, but not get two dogs when you snap one of them in half?

You need foot long hot dogs.

[ZOOTECH]

You can't read this and stay in a bad mood!

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?
They Take The Psychopath

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

Polaroids

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick


8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Cinco.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?!
(no offense to you Harley riders meant)
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles On Their Hats.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Some body's Gonna Lose A Trailer.

Now, admit it... at least one of these made you smile.

***
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

"People will forget what you said; People will forget what you did.
But people will never forget how you made them feel."



Smiles are contagious!