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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #91
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    How do you know if a good looking sheila is ticklish ?

    You give her a testicle .... o!o....

    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
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  2. #92
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    The Lord looks down on Eden and sees Adam walking around looking very sad...He says "Hello Adam, why so forlorne?". Adam says.."Eden is just great, the perfect place, but I'm getting very lonely with nothing but plants and animals around". The Lord says "Fine, I'll make you the perfect companion..one that will look after you, feed you when hungry, nurse you when you're sick, never argue with you, always say yes when you're feeling armorous, take care of your children and remain at your side until you leave this world". Adam says "that sounds great, what's it gonna cost me?" The Lord says "an arm and a leg". Adam thinks for a moment and says "what can I get for a rib?" Emujo


  3. #93
    Dangerous with Tools 1,000+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by emujo View Post
    The Lord looks down on Eden and sees Adam walking around looking very sad...He says "Hello Adam, why so forlorne?". Adam says.."Eden is just great, the perfect place, but I'm getting very lonely with nothing but plants and animals around". The Lord says "Fine, I'll make you the perfect companion..one that will look after you, feed you when hungry, nurse you when you're sick, never argue with you, always say yes when you're feeling armorous, take care of your children and remain at your side until you leave this world". Adam says "that sounds great, what's it gonna cost me?" The Lord says "an arm and a leg". Adam thinks for a moment and says "what can I get for a rib?" Emujo
    Goes to show you what happens when guys get cheap.


  4. #94
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    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving.






    As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.



    A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at the Marriott Hotel and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine.

    Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home.
    Sure enough I passed a police road block but as it was a bus, they waved it past.

    I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.



  5. #95
    Major Asshole! 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by prntrfxr View Post
    Goes to show you what happens when guys get cheap.
    God's the greatest inventor ever - he grabbed Adam's rib and invented the loudspeaker!

    ' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
    Mascan42

    'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'

    Ibid

  6. #96
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by mrwho View Post
    God's the greatest inventor ever - he grabbed Adam's rib and invented the loudspeaker!
    And its damn hard to shut that loud speaker off....

    I believe that might be the reason why he gave adam the apple...

    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
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  7. #97
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by NeoMatrix View Post
    And its damn hard to shut that loud speaker off....
    That's what "selective hearing" is all about, and at my age, I have a valid excuse for shutting it down.

    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  8. #98
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    I haven't read all the jokes so I hope this is not a repeat.

    There are 2 canibals in the woods eating a clown when one turns to the other and ask. Does this taste funny to you?


  9. #99
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by campy View Post
    I haven't read all the jokes so I hope this is not a repeat.

    There are 2 canibals in the woods eating a clown when one turns to the other and ask. Does this taste funny to you?
    One say's to the other this might taste funny, but I'm having a ball...

    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
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  10. #100
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by NeoMatrix View Post
    One say's to the other this might taste funny, but I'm having a ball...

    I want you to have this feeling too - it is my moral responsibility to help you achieve this inner freedom
    Read more at Dmitri Mendeleev Quotes - BrainyQuote




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