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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #1001
    Senior Tech 250+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    the sargent major got all the recruits on the parade ground ,when they were all standing at attention he screamed out ,jones take one pace forward .
    when he did the sargent major screamed i have a message for you ,your mother has died .well poor old jones just collapsed in a heap and the colonel called the sargent to one side and said to him you must have no feelings ,what you did to poor old jones was dissgusting in future use a bit of tact or you will be demoted.

    a couple of weeks later he got all the recruits on the parade ground again and when they were at attention he screamed out all those with a father take one pace forward .they all took one pace forward and he screamed out jones where the hell are you going.


  2. #1002
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts Debs1964's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    I like being a redhead

    Redhead.jpg


  3. #1003
    Major Asshole! 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Debs1964 View Post
    I like being a redhead

    Redhead.jpg
    It's too bad, I actually like to sleep...

    ' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
    Mascan42

    'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'

    Ibid

  4. #1004
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts Debs1964's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by mrwho View Post
    It's too bad, I actually like to sleep...
    Don't worry hunny, when you live that far from me, I think there's little danger of me ever keeping you awake


  5. #1005
    PHD in Sh!t Disturbing 250+ Posts Shadow's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    I like to keep up on my research - this one is important...

    Brightener: Beer....... This is alarming!
    Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!

    Last month, Montreal University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

    Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

    To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period.

    It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:

    1) Argued over nothing .
    2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
    3) Gained weight.
    4) Talked excessively without making sense.
    5) Became overly emotional
    6) Couldnt drive
    7) Failed to think rationally, and
    8) Had to sit down while urinating.

    No further testing was considered necessary! Send this to the men you know to warn them about drinking too much beer!


    $hit Happens - Deal with it and move on.........................................................................Lock & Load

  6. #1006
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Not so much of a joke but a good advert I think.

    http://io9.com/old-spock-battles-new...merc-493836696


  7. #1007
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts gwaddle's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    [QUOTE=Shadow;357844]I like to keep up on my research - this one is important...

    Brightener: Beer....... This is alarming!


    I would love to share this on FB, but I fear I have too many female friends who would hurt me.

    I know I should be ashamed of myself. Strangely though, I am not.

  8. #1008
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    Joke of the Day

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    Smile Re: Joke of the Day

    so he went to the pub on friday night after work and stayed till closing time.he felt really guilty so he said to the cabby can you stop at a florist.
    he went in the florist and bought a dozen red roses for his wife.
    he got home and gave the flowers to his wife and said sorry i am so late.
    she looked at the flowers and said i suppose i will be on my back with my legs in the air all weekend.
    he said ,


    I THOUGHT WE HAD A VASE.


  9. #1009
    Major Asshole! 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    What did Michael Jackson say when he slid his pecker into the little boy's arse?

    "You've got a great musician in you!"

    ' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
    Mascan42

    'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'

    Ibid

  10. #1010
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts Debs1964's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    [QUOTE=gwaddle;357919]
    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow View Post
    I like to keep up on my research - this one is important...

    Brightener: Beer....... This is alarming!


    I would love to share this on FB, but I fear I have too many female friends who would hurt me.
    As you point out, I live too far away from you to hurt you, but I'd give you grief anyway Mr Slave driver


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