Joke of the Day

[Shadow]

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless. And so easy to see happening - customer service, being what it is Today! A lady died this last September, and MBNA bank billed her in October and November for their annual service charges on her credit card, And then in December added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance that had been £0.00, now is somewhere around £60.00. A family member rang MBNA: Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you that my grandmother died in September.' MBNA: 'But the account was never closed and so the late fees and charges still Apply..' Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to your collections section.' MBNA: ‘Since it is two months over due, it already has been.' Family Member: ‘So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?' MBNA: 'Either report her account to the Frauds Department or report her to The Credit bureau, maybe both!' Family Member: 'Do you think God will be upset with her?' MBNA: 'Excuse me?' Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you . . The part about her Being dead?' MBNA: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.' Supervisor gets on the phone: Family Member: 'I'm phoning to tell you, she died in September.' MBNA: 'But the account was never closed and the late fees and charges still Apply.' Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?' MBNA: (Stammer) 'Are you her solicitor?' Family Member: 'No, I'm her grandson' MBNA: 'Could you fax us a death certificate?' Family Member: 'No problem..' (fax number is given ) After they get the fax: MBNA: 'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do To help.' Family Member: 'Well, if you sort it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care.' MBNA: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.' Family Member: ‘Would you like her new billing address?' MBNA: 'That would help.' Family Member: ' Plot 1049.' Heaton Cemetery, Heaton Road , Newcastle upon Tyne MBNA: 'But, that's a cemetery!' Family Member: 'Well, what the **** do you do with dead people on your planet?'

[Akitu]

A woman awakes to find her husband is not in bed...
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.... "Why are you down here at this time of night!?"
The husband looks up from his drink, "It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met."
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15," he said solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies.
The husband pauses....... The words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?"
"I remember that, too" she replied softly...
He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."

[mjarbar]

Going to war without the French is like......well, World War 2 actually!

I bought my wife a vibrator for her birthday. She hasn't stopped moaning since.

I bought some condoms the other day and the shop assistant asked me if I would like a bag. I said ,"No she's not that ugly"

If you had to choose between your wife or winning the lottery, what supercar would you buy?

If god didn't intend us to eat meat why did he make animals out of food?

[Herrmann]

Maybe this is the illegetimate daughter of angela gossow (Arch Enemy)?



Very fine, little girl, keep the good work up

[fixthecopier]

Mickey Mouse gets a call from his lawyer.

He says "Mickey,you can't divorce Minnie for being crazy."

Mickey replied "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was Fucking Goofy!"

[Akitu]

While trying on a jeans, a wife asks her husband.
Wife: "Darling, do I look fat in these jeans?"
Husband: "Can I be honest with you? Promise me you won't get mad."
Wife: "Sure darling, go ahead, I won't be angry."
Husband: "I fucked your sister."

[habik]

While trying on a jeans, a wife asks her husband.
Wife: "Darling, do I look fat in these jeans?"
Husband: "Can I be honest with you? Promise me you won't get mad."
Wife: "Sure darling, go ahead, I won't be angry."
Husband: "I fucked your sister."

Quality!

[blsquires]

woman goes to the doctor and asks if she can get a hearing aid.
what for said the doctor. because i am fed up with sex she said.
whats a hearing aid got to do with sex said the doctor.
well she said every night when we go to bed my husband says do you want to go to sleep or what and i keep saying WHAT

[Phrag]

Maybe this is the illegetimate daughter of angela gossow (Arch Enemy)?

Very fine, little girl, keep the good work up

That was my first thought when I saw that video the other day, on facebook. Needless to say, Jaw touched floor. Good thing she got through though.

[Akitu]

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"
One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment."
The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends!"