Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #1241
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts HenryT2's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    "The Serenity Prayer" . . .
    God grant me the serenity to accept stupid people , the courage to not waste my time and energy on them , and the wisdom to know that I cannot fix STUPID .

  2. #1242
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts HenryT2's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    "The Serenity Prayer" . . .
    God grant me the serenity to accept stupid people , the courage to not waste my time and energy on them , and the wisdom to know that I cannot fix STUPID .

  3. #1243
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A general, air marshal and admiral were arguing over whose men were the toughest. The general says, “Alright, I’ll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!”
    The private reports as ordered, “Yes sir?” The general says, “See that man over there? Kill him!” Without hesitating, the private kills the man. The general says, “See? That man has balls!”
    The air marshal says, "That’s nothing. AC, get over here!” The aircraftsman reports, “Yes, sir?” The air marshal says, “See that man over there? Kill him and then kill yourself.” Without blinking, the aircraftsman pulls out his M-16 and blows away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds.
    The air marshal says, “See? Now that man has balls!”
    The admiral says, “That’s nothing.” He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, “Hey, seaman, jump off that tower!” The seaman answers, “Excuse me, sir?” The admiral repeats, “JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!” The seaman replies, “Go to hell, sir!”
    The admiral says, “See? That man has balls and he’s got brains too!”
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  4. #1244
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts igi's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Debs1964 View Post
    Would you like to tell me why you find that funny
    i am sure what he ment that women alway wright,and he will be very correct
    take my wife for example.she never wrong
    peace on all

  5. #1245
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
    The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
    The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
    "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
    "Tiger Woods."
    "Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
    "Yeah."
    "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
    The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
    "What are you doing?" asks the wife.
    The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
    "Tiger wouldn't do that."
    "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
    "He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
    The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
    "Now what are you doing?" she asks.
    The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
    "Tiger wouldn't do that."
    "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
    "He'd come back to bed and do it again."
    The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
    The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
    "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  6. #1246
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the Mass of people.
    "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
    "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
    "Now we eat everybody." And they did.
    When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just Eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?" His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  7. #1247
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Akitu View Post
    Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the Mass of people.
    "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
    "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
    "Now we eat everybody." And they did.
    When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just Eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?" His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"
    "And when they are affraid they taste like chicken"

  8. #1248
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A somewhat strange guy walks into a bar. The bartender notices him and watches as the man walks up to a group of men at a table and starts talking to them.
    The man then gets up and goes to the bartender and says..."I bet you $500 that I can piss in that shot glass on the back wall without spilling a drop."
    The bartender, thinking he could make himself a quick $500 takes the bet. The man then unzips his pants and starts pissing all over the bartender and the bar.
    He pisses on everything but the shot glass. When he is finished the bartender says,” well I guess you owe me $500." The man walks back over to the table and
    comes back and gives the bartender $500 the bartender then ask..."How did you get that money from them?"
    The man replies..."Well I just bet them $2,000 that I could piss all over you and your bar and you wouldn't get mad."
    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  9. #1249
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms.
    Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in its mouth.
    Frogs are good bass bait.
    Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in its mouth, I grabbed it right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.
    Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. Its eyes rolled back, and it went limp.
    I released the snake into the lake without incident and carried on fishing, using the frog.
    Not long after, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that damn snake... with two more frogs.
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  10. #1250
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts HenryT2's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    After finding a snakeskin behind my shop this weekend ....
    I thought of this photo ...

    Walking my snake.jpg
    "The Serenity Prayer" . . .
    God grant me the serenity to accept stupid people , the courage to not waste my time and energy on them , and the wisdom to know that I cannot fix STUPID .

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