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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #121
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    skynet's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by NeoMatrix View Post
    Billy : What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
    Morten : No idea
    .....................
    What do you call a fish with no eyes ?

    Fsh.




  2. #122
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts HenryT2's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    What did the fish say when it ran into a concrete wall ? ..............

    DAM

    "The Senility Prayer" . . .
    God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

  3. #123
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    ZOOTECH's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    For a couple years I 've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.

    The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
    Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
    Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals,
    leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
    That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.


    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  4. #124
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    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    I guess it's not a joke in the strictest sense, but it made me laugh - Excellent marketing and product placement. Well played Hershey's... Well played!
    HersheyMarketing.jpg

    Be careful in teaching your children it is acceptable to abort an inconvenient unplanned pregnancy because they may also determine it is acceptable to euthanize an inconvenient elderly parent.

  5. #125
    Major Asshole! 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow1 View Post
    I guess it's not a joke in the strictest sense, but it made me laugh - Excellent marketing and product placement. Well played Hershey's... Well played!
    HersheyMarketing.jpg
    Explain it to me - I'm not familiar with the product...

    ' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
    Mascan42

    'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'

    Ibid

  6. #126
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by mrwho View Post
    Explain it to me - I'm not familiar with the product...
    You're on you own this time - have your wife explain it to you, unless one of the ladies here would like to chime in.

    Be careful in teaching your children it is acceptable to abort an inconvenient unplanned pregnancy because they may also determine it is acceptable to euthanize an inconvenient elderly parent.

  7. #127
    Major Asshole! 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow1 View Post
    You're on you own this time - have your wife explain it to you, unless one of the ladies here would like to chime in.
    I recognize the products on the right shelf - it's the middle and left ones I'm not familiar with. And my wife can't help me either - we just don't see those where we live.

    ' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
    Mascan42

    'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'

    Ibid

  8. #128
    PHD in Sh!t Disturbing 250+ Posts Shadow's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    OK, as we get older we have to be aware of issues like this.

    Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

    Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

    I immediately call the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered. I always call her “honey” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”

    There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane’s voice. “Ken” she barked, “I dropped you off!” Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.” Diane retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car?”

    $hit Happens - Deal with it and move on.........................................................................Lock & Load

  9. #129
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Man walks into a bookstore and asks the shopkeeper if they have the new self-help book for men with small cocks. She says, "I don't think it's in yet." He replies, "Yeah that's the one".


  10. #130
    How'd ya manage that? 500+ Posts zed255's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by mrwho View Post
    I recognize the products on the right shelf - it's the middle and left ones I'm not familiar with. And my wife can't help me either - we just don't see those where we live.
    Does the combination of PMS and chocolate mean anything to you? For your enlightenment, the chocolate is in the middle of the feminine products....

    Zed
    One out of four people is mentally unbalanced.
    Think of your three closest friends...
    If they seem okay, then You're The One.

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