Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #1511
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a Jack and Coke. The bartender hands him an apple. The man, looking confused, asks, "What's this?" The bartender replies, "Take a bite out of the apple." The man does and surprised, he says, "Wow, this tastes like Jack Daniels!" The bartender says, "Now turn it around." The man does and takes another bite, "...and this side tastes like Coke!"
    Another man walks in and asks for a Gin and Tonic. Again, the bartender hands him an apple and tells him to take a bite out of one side and then another. The man is amazed, "This tastes like Gin and Tonic!"
    A third man walks in and the previous two men tell him, "The bartender will give you an apple that tastes like anything you want!" The third man, looking skeptical says, "Oh, really?" He looks at the bar tender and asks, "Do you have an apple that tastes like pussy?"
    The bartender hands him an apple and tells him to take a bite. The third man bites into the apple and quickly spits it out, "THIS TASTES LIKE SHIT!!"
    The bartender says, "Turn it around..."
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  2. #1512
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    The mafia leader tells his right hand man to "Go into the bathroom, jerk off and bring it out." Then he hands him a plastic cup. Unsure of what's going on, the right-hand man goes into the bathroom, jerks off into the plastic cup, and comes out. The Mafia leader says, "Good, good. Now do it again. Don't forget to bring it out." The Mafia leader hands him a new cup. So the guy goes back into the bathroom and does the same thing. He walks out with much less in the cup than the first time. The Mafia leader sees this and says, "Very good, very good. Do it one more time." He hands him a new cup and the guy goes back into the bathroom. He comes out and there's only a tiny drop in the cup. The Mafia leader now says, "Alright Steve, I want you to drive my daughter to Manhattan."
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  3. #1513
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts HenryT2's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    "The Serenity Prayer" . . .
    God grant me the serenity to accept stupid people , the courage to not waste my time and energy on them , and the wisdom to know that I cannot fix STUPID .

  4. #1514
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    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by HenryT2 View Post
    When that happens, rolling down the window becomes some kind of act of divinity, but when you do it's one of the most bad ass sights to be seen, it's like a window that's not a window!
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  5. #1515
    Senior Tech 100+ Posts
    Joke of the Day


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    Re: Joke of the Day

    B4 I met my wife I dated a few girls. One time I took an Amish girl to the drive-in. While things were escalating in the back seat her cell phone rang. I thought to myself I don't think she is really Amish as they shun most technology. Sure enough! the next day I found out she was just an ordinary girl with a beard!

  6. #1516
    PHD in Sh!t Disturbing 250+ Posts Shadow's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.





    Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'





    She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.





    The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'





    He never heard the shot.





    Funeral on Thursday at Noon.





    Closed coffin!
    $hit Happens - Deal with it and move on.........................................................................Lock & Load

  7. #1517
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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  8. #1518
    Ricoh tech 100+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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  9. #1519
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A man walks into a bar... and says: ''OWW!!, Who left that there!! Someone could get seriously hurt!!"

  10. #1520
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

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