Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #1711
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".
    "You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."
    The man below responded "You must be in management". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fucking fault."

    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  2. #1712
    AutoMajical Resolutionist 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    and what did the lepper say to the prostitute??????????????????????????????????????








    Keep the tip !!!!!!

    Mystic Crystal Revelations

  3. #1713
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator! " she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

    A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard," he says. She got in the back-seat by mistake."

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex.."

    She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."

    He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."








    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  4. #1714
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    In a small town, an elderly couple had been dating each other for a long time. At the urging of their friends, they decided it was finally time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
    "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly.
    "Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say... I would like it infrequently. "
    The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then over his glasses, he looked her in the eye and casually asked
    ............
    "Is that one word or two?"

    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  5. #1715
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Good reason not to text some people.

    Wife Texts Husband:

    "Windows Frozen, won't open."

    Husband texts back:

    "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."

    Wife texts back 5 minutes later:

    ​"Computer is really screwed up now."

    Why do they call it common sense?

    If it were common, wouldn't everyone have it?

  6. #1716
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts DWise's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Tonerbomb View Post
    and what did the lepper say to the prostitute??????????????????????????????????????








    Keep the tip !!!!!!
    This joke should have been in the "Horrible Joke of the Day" thread...

    Do for one what you wished you could do for everyone. - Andy Stanley

  7. #1717
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    Joke of the Day

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  8. #1718
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A young man had just got a job at an electrical store and was to start work on Monday. Unfortunately, he called in sick for the day. The boss was a little annoyed but decided that shit happens and let it go.
    The guy came in Tuesday and sold a stack of electronics, and continued on for the rest of the week selling record amounts of computers and TVs and other goods.
    The following Monday, the boss got a call - it was the new employee calling in. "Sorry boss - I'm really sick!" The boss was getting more annoyed with him.
    Tuesday the young guy was in and selling even more than last week. He finished up the week making a new record for sales for his state.
    Next Monday the new guy called in sick again and the boss decided it was time for a chat with him.
    So on Tuesday the guy rocks up to work and the boss pulls him aside. "Bob, you're a great salesman, but you keep calling in sick on Mondays - What's going on?"
    "Well boss. My sister's just gone through an awful divorce and she calls me every Monday morning crying, so I go over to her house and comfort her. We always wind up making love for the rest of the day..."
    "THAT'S SICK!"
    "I told you..."

    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  9. #1719
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts Debs1964's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans walk into a fine restaurant.

    After scrutinising the group, the Maitre d says.........

    "Im sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai"


    There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don't

  10. #1720
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Debs1964;402377[COLOR=#333333
    After scrutinising the group, the Maitre d says.........

    "Im sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai"
    [/COLOR]
    I almost posted this one myself but didn't think it would be so successful. Bah! S'good.

    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

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