Joke of the Day

[ZOOTECH]

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar slowly getting drunk. A man comes in and asks the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?”

The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”

“So what happened that is so horrible?” the man asked.

The farmer then decides to try an answer, “Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over.”

“That’s not so bad, what’s the big deal?”

The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”

“So what happened?” the man asked again.

The farmer relenting, continued, “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over.”

“Again?”

The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”

“So, what did you do then?” the man asked, intrigued.

“I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and continued to milk her, and just as I got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.”

“Wow, you must have been pretty upset!” but that’s no reason to just sit here getting all depressed.”

The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”

“So then what else did you do?” the man asked again.

“Well I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. That’s when my pants fell down and my wife walked in…”

[slimslob]

Like it but seen it somewhere before.

[Brian8506]

[fixthecopier]

Pain free dentistry...http://i.imgur.com/sgVIlzG.jpg


I tried it with my dentist, now he won't quit calling.

[fixthecopier]

Had to share this one also ...http://i.imgur.com/kEAHXZw.jpg

[Akitu]

There were once two airplane mechanics from New Jersey who were also drinking buddies.
One night, the mechanics (Rick and Paul) were finishing up their shift and discussing where they should go for a drink afterwards.
"I don't know, man," said Rick. "We've been to every bar in town. The scene's getting old."
"Well," replied Paul, "there is one other option. I've heard drinking jet fuel gives you a pretty good buzz."
"Fuck it, I'll try anything once," said Rick, and they grabbed the nearest can of jet fuel and had the kind of time that only drinking buddies can.
The next morning, Rick awoke expecting the hangover from hell. To his surprise, he felt fine. Better than fine, even; he felt great!
"This is amazing," he thought. "All the fun of drinking, but with no negative effects!"
Just then, he receives a call from Paul.
"Hey man," said Paul. "How ya feelin'?"
"I feel great!" Exclaimed Rick. "You?"
"Pretty good, but there's just one thing... Did you fart yet?"
"No," said a puzzled Rick. "Why do you ask?"
"Because," Paul said. "I'm in Arizona."

[ZOOTECH]

A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members lunched at a local cafe. While dining, they discovered that their saltshaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt.
How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling, and using only the implements at hand?

Clearly this was a job for Mensa! The group debated and presented ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer.
They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.

"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker..."

"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

[HenryT2]

A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members lunched at a local cafe. While dining, they discovered that their saltshaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt.
How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling, and using only the implements at hand?

Clearly this was a job for Mensa! The group debated and presented ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer.
They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.

"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker..."

"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

See .... There is a simple explanation to this .......
Most Mensa's are PHD's : they don't have anyone with a CS .

CS = Common Sense

P.S. The waitress was not blonde .

[ZOOTECH]

The Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.
I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke,
"Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fainted, and the congregation roared!

[Brian8506]

I know that we are getting older and have short attention spans,

so this lesson will be kept short and sweet, Geography Lesson of the Day

That concludes our Geography Lesson of the Day!



Thank you. Take a nap and try not to hurt yourself.

Please pass on this valuable information.