Joke of the Day

[skynet]

What a Moron. I'd like to know how many drums are being prematurely replaced after people following that video....

Hans

Watch him struggle to get the drum back in @ 1:50

it looks unprofessional

You described it well

[prntrfxr]

I like the part where he vacuums his gloves. Who cares about toner on gloves? That's why you wear them in the first place! And get a decent pair of gloves!

[gwaddle]

I like the part where he vacuums his gloves. Who cares about toner on gloves? That's why you wear them in the first place! And get a decent pair of gloves!

That part is good, but I like when he mispronounces the name of the copier and calls it a printer.

[Rob Sandberg]

Hey who has been video taping me at work????



Rob S

[mikadonovan]

I like when he pulls the LD shield glass out and says "this is the glass that separates the drum from the toner bottle". WTF

[ZOOTECH]

It Can be Hard Keeping a Straight Face as a COURT REPORTER

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down
and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
_________________________________________
(My Favorite)
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
(Another favorite)
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death…
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them... The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________


And last:
(Well OK, this is the best)
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No…
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[nmfaxman]

I named my Ex wife Maytag.......................Always frigid and never went down.

Bud-up-bump-tshssss.

[Shadow1]

I named my Ex wife Maytag.......................Always frigid and never went down.

Damn if I ain't got one of them... only she ain't my ex... yet.

[Rob Sandberg]

I named my Ex wife Maytag.......................Always frigid and never went down.

Bud-up-bump-tshssss.

Do I detect a note of hostelity?

Rob S

[prntrfxr]

Do I detect a note of hostelity?

Rob S

No, there isn't any note of "hostel-ity", unless he's paying rent for his bed and got a really great deal (Which could be, I guess). Hostel - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
But I do detect a note of hostility. Hostility - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

Just kidding.