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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #11
    Adeptus Mechanicus Magos 500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    mjarbar's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Crime in a multi-storey car park is just wrong on so many different levels!

    The impossible is easy - miracles take a little longer
    So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.

  2. #12
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Mexican Oysters

    A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.

    While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.

    He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'

    The waiter replied, 'Ah seņor, you have excellent taste! Those are called
    Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'

    The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order..'
    The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry, seņor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'

    The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious,
    but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'


    The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Seņor.
    Sometimes the bull wins.

    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  3. #13
    Field Supervisor 1,000+ Posts igi's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by mjarbar View Post
    Crime in a multi-storey car park is just wrong on so many different levels!
    thats deep.




  4. #14
    Field Supervisor 1,000+ Posts igi's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    What is the fastest way to exit Europe?

    via the city of Manchester




  5. #15
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    ZOOTECH's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A Conversation in Heaven


    SYLVIA:

    Hi! Wanda.


    WANDA:

    Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?


    SYLVIA:

    I froze to death.


    WANDA:

    How horrible!


    SYLVIA:

    It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from

    the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy,

    and finally died a peaceful death.

    What about you?


    WANDA:

    I died of a massive heart attack.

    I suspected that my husband was cheating,

    so I came home early to catch him in the act.
    But instead, I found him all by himself

    in the den watching TV.


    SYLVIA:

    So, what happened?


    WANDA:

    I was so sure there was another woman
    there somewhere that I started running

    all over the house looking. I ran up into

    the attic and searched, and down into the

    basement. Then I went through every closet

    and checked under all the beds. I kept this up

    until I had looked everywhere, and finally

    I became so exhausted that I just keeled over

    with a heart attack and died.


    SYLVIA:

    Too bad you didn't look in the freezer

    ---we'd both still be alive.







    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  6. #16
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Man sitting at home on the veranda with his wife and he says, "I love you."


    She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"


    He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."

    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  7. #17
    just one copy?? 500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

    She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

    "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
    to pay me a compliment.'

    I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

    And then the fight started........

    I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. ~Thomas Edison

  8. #18
    just one copy?? 500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    I went to the doctor's office the other day and found out that my new doctor is a young female & gorgeous!

    I was embarrassed, but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a Professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll "check it out."
    I said. "My wife thinks my d!ck tastes funny."

    I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. ~Thomas Edison

  9. #19
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts kingarthur's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    My wife complains that i never talk to her whilst making love.....i cant always reach the phone.....

    Tip for the day; Treat every problem as your dog would.....If you cant eat it or f*ck it....then p*ss on it & walk away...

  10. #20
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Women drivers !!

    Driving to work this morning in the fast lane of the motorway, I looked over to my left and there was this woman in a brand new Jaguar doing just 50 mph, with her face right up to the rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.

    I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back, she was halfway over into my lane, still working on that makeup.

    As a man, I don't scare easily but she scared me so much that:-

    I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the toast out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile phone away from my ear, which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and soaked my trousers, ruined the phone and disconnected a very important call.

    Damn Those Stupid Women Drivers!


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