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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #201
    Field Supervisor 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by PASTech View Post
    What is brown and sticky?

    --A Stick



    What is brown and sounds like a bell?

    -Dung



    What is brown and sounds like a fog horn?

    -Poop! Poop!

    A 6 year old would say those are pretty lame...what's next, elephant jokes?

  2. #202
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Hansoon View Post
    I use exam gloves for every job without exception since the days of liquid toner and I don't care you're calling me a sissy. I have at least always clean hands. My wife would HATE having her precious parts being touched (or more) by dirty fingers with black nails.

    I buy Nitril Medical Exam gloves directly from the factory in large quantities than they are cheap. Never had any negative comments on it except that once the factory made a mistake and shipped pink coloured ones instead of the usual blue. The remarks and giggling behind my back from customers, especially the girls, was hilarious.

    Gloved-Hands err..... -HANS!
    I don't wear gloves, and I make it a habit of sniffing toner whenever I stir up a cloud...it's my retirement plan...black lung and a law suit for necropsis of the hands...I won't be having any fun, but my kids will do anything I ask while they wait for the inheritance...Emujo

  3. #203
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts gwaddle's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by emujo View Post
    A 6 year old would say those are pretty lame...what's next, elephant jokes?
    Actually, I like the stick one.

  4. #204
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A Grasshopper strolls into a bar and sits down for a drink.
    He cooee's out to the bartender " I'll have a beer thanks mate."

    The bartender looks at him curious and serves up a cold beer.

    A while later the grasshopper cooee's out "another beer thanks mate."
    The bartender looks at him curious again and serves up another beer.

    Standing at the bar polishing empty glasses the curious bartender leans over to the grasshopper
    and say "do you know we have a drink named after you"?

    The grasshopper looks up and says "what, Kevin!".....?
    Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
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  5. #205
    PHD in Sh!t Disturbing 250+ Posts Shadow's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
    The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
    Oh, I don't know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
    "OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.
    A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
    ~~~
    The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea,"
    To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
    $hit Happens - Deal with it and move on.........................................................................Lock & Load

  6. #206
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    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Some of you may have already checked this guy out. He is originally from Adelaide but has recently moved to the US. You may have heard about the guy trying to pay bills with a drawing he made of a 7 legged spider. Anyway, here is the link to his site, sure has passed away many hours for me. At the end of a frustrating day, this puts a smile on my face.
    Go away
    I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. ~Thomas Edison

  7. #207
    Major Asshole! 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by jonezy999 View Post
    Some of you may have already checked this guy out. He is originally from Adelaide but has recently moved to the US. You may have heard about the guy trying to pay bills with a drawing he made of a 7 legged spider. Anyway, here is the link to his site, sure has passed away many hours for me. At the end of a frustrating day, this puts a smile on my face.
    Go away
    Yes, that site is pure gold!
    ' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
    Mascan42

    'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'

    Ibid

    I'm just an ex-tech lurking around and spreading disinformation!

  8. #208
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    When I want a good laugh, I just watch a Bill Dance fishing bloopers video and before long, I'm laughing. Better than jokes any day.




    Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Coke in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!".

  9. #209
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    This is why I don't fish.
    73 DE W5SSJ

  10. #210
    Adeptus Mechanicus Magos 500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it.

    God says no and explains that she has another 30 years to live. Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.

    She even has someone come in and change her hair colour. She figures since she's got another 30 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance.

    She arrives in front of God and complains: "I thought you said I had another 30 years!!

    God replies, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you."
    The impossible is easy - miracles take a little longer
    So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.

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