Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #2191
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    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Debs1964 View Post
    My life would have been so much simpler if only I was a praying mantis

    Attachment 25752
    Interestingly enough, when scientists first studied the mantis, they created the scenario that enabled the female to kill the male. Mantii actually mate with stealth; given enough foliage on the ground the male can actually sneak up on the female, do the deed and retreat before she can react. Are you still sure about that?
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  2. #2192
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts Debs1964's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Akitu View Post
    Interestingly enough, when scientists first studied the mantis, they created the scenario that enabled the female to kill the male. Mantii actually mate with stealth; given enough foliage on the ground the male can actually sneak up on the female, do the deed and retreat before she can react. Are you still sure about that?
    If it means he doesn't hang around and bugger up the rest of my life, then yes
    There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don't

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    Glorified Parts Swapper 100+ Posts ptrflrs's Avatar
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    I got in touch with my inner self this morning...
    That's the last time I buy that cheap 1 ply toilet paper*
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    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
    His father said 'Son we'd give you one but the mortgage on this
    house is £280,000 and your mother just lost her job.
    There's no way we can afford it.'
    The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the
    front door with a suitcase. So he asked 'Son where are you going?'
    Little Joseph told him; 'I was walking past your room last night and
    heard you telling mum you were pulling out.
    Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.
    And I'm not staying here by myself with a
    £280,000 mortgage and no bloody bike!

  5. #2195
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    My grandma is 96 years old and doesn't need glasses. She drinks straight from the bottle!
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  6. #2196
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts HenryT2's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Rock.jpg

    OH Yeah ! She looks like she's STONED .
    "The Serenity Prayer" . . .
    God grant me the serenity to accept stupid people , the courage to not waste my time and energy on them , and the wisdom to know that I cannot fix STUPID .

  7. #2197
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    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Akitu View Post
    Interestingly enough, when scientists first studied the mantis, they created the scenario that enabled the female to kill the male. Mantii actually mate with stealth; given enough foliage on the ground the male can actually sneak up on the female, do the deed and retreat before she can react. Are you still sure about that?
    So if you distract a woman with food you can have your wicked way with them? And I thought Mrs Lagonda demanded to be taken to a restaurant just because she didn't want to do the cooking and washing up!
    At least 50% of IT is a solution looking for a problem.

  8. #2198
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    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.
    A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be90?'
    He asked, 'Do yousmoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?
    'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!
    Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?
    'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
    'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?
    'No, I don't,' I said.


    He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?'
    'No,' I said...
    He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a shit?'














  9. #2199
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Little Johnny and his dad were walking down the street and he says "Hey, Dad! I'll bet you $5 there's some dogs humping just around this corner!"
    Dad considers how likely it would be, and says "You're on, kid!"
    Once they get to the corner, they see the dogs going at it and Dad pays up.
    So Dad calls Johnny's teacher. "Hey, my kid has this nasty gambling habit, but I can't break him of it because he never loses! Can you help?"
    The teacher replies "I'll do what I can"
    Next day, Johnny enters the classroom. "Hey teacher! I'll bet you $5 I can guess what color panties you have on!" The teacher demurely declines. All week, Johnny is pestering her about betting on the color of her panties.
    On Friday, Johnny repeats the bet. "Hey teacher! I'll bet you $5 I can guess what color panties you have on!"
    She says "You're on!" and lifts her dress to reveal she isn't wearing any panties at all!
    Johnny pays the money, with much grumbling.
    The teacher ecstatically calls his father. "Great news! I made little Johnny lose a bet!"
    The father is astounded. "How'd you do that?" he asks.
    "Well, Johnny's been bothering me all week about the color of my panties, and today I didn't wear any, so he lost the bet!"
    A long string of curses comes over the phone.
    Teacher asks "What's wrong? Didn't I do it right?"
    Dad answers "Just this morning he bet me $50 he'd see your pussy before the day was out!"
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  10. #2200
    Not a service manager 2,500+ Posts Iowatech's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day


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