Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #2281
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Pretty sure this applies to most everyone here...







    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  2. #2282
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    so true....






    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  3. #2283
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he leaves. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting.

    While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven. After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. 'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.' 'Great!' said the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?' St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. 'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple. 'OH, COME ON!', St. Peter shouted, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?


  4. #2284
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    The phone bill was exceptionally high. The man of the house called a family meeting to discuss.
    Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use the home phone. I use my work phone.
    Mum: Me too, I hardly use the home phone. I use my company's phone.
    Son: I use the cell phone given to me by my office. I never use the home phone.
    All of them shocked and together look at the maid who is patiently listening to them.
    Maid: What? so we all use our work phones. What's the big deal??

    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  5. #2285
    Senior Tech 250+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by fixthecopier View Post
    I find myself repeatedly driving around with my blinker on. You can't stop the onset of old-timers disease.
    So that's YOU in front of me..........


  6. #2286
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
    On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
    "What?" said the puzzled groom.
    "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
    "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
    Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
    Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
    Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
    Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
    Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
    Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
    Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
    Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
    Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
    "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
    "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  7. #2287
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free." The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"

    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  8. #2288
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A man goes into a store and buys a pack of condoms.
    "Do you want a bag?" ask the cashier
    "No she's not that ugly" replies the man

    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  9. #2289
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit.

    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  10. #2290
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Two Irish men walk out of a bar --- well, it could happen.

    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

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