Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #2561
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by KenB View Post
    Of course, every engine rebuild consists of:

    1. Replacing the muffler bearing

    2. A new coat of valve wax

    3. New piston return springs

    All are a must!
    Don't forget the new apprentices six inch copulation tool for torquing off rounded nuts.
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  2. #2562
    Not a service manager 2,500+ Posts Iowatech's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by KenB View Post
    Of course, every engine rebuild consists of:

    1. Replacing the muffler bearing

    2. A new coat of valve wax

    3. New piston return springs

    All are a must!
    Don't forget the can of compression!
    And if you are trying to find where that is at, you might need a box of grid squares.

  3. #2563
    Retired 10,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Lagonda View Post
    I was rather dumb founded when I discovered there was such a thing as non-fluid oil and liquid grease!
    When I started in the business, the company I work for was a full line office equipment dealer. Most of the adding machines, calculators and posting machines were mechanical. Non-fluid oil was a very common item. Everyone carried a syringe of it in our tool kits. They purchased it in one pound cans. Just stuck your syringe down in it and pulled the plunger back to refill.

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    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts Debs1964's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by KenB View Post
    In high school, two friends of mine worked in the maintenance department of the local well-known, well-stocked department store.

    They once sent a co-worker on an hour long adventure all over the store searching for "sky hooks". He fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
    When my dad was much younger he was working on a building site and was sent, by his boss, to get a long weight. He came back to work 3 days later, very apologetic, saying he had been absolutely everywhere and he couldn't get one. The boss gave him a funny look, but couldn't prove that my dad had just taken 3 days leave
    There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don't

  5. #2565
    Field Supervisor 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by KenB View Post
    Of course, every engine rebuild consists of:

    1. Replacing the muffler bearing

    2. A new coat of valve wax

    3. New piston return springs

    All are a must!
    From my old Navy days...

    Relative Bearing Grease
    Bulkhead Remover
    Battery Grounds
    Gig Line (ie find me 50 ft of gig line)
    Prop Wash
    Fallopian Tubing
    Left Handed Smoke Sifter

    Fun days indeed. Emujo
    If you don't see your question answered in the forum, please don't think it's OK to PM me for a personal reply...I do not give out firmware and/or manuals.

  6. #2566
    Trusted Tech 50+ Posts bigwul's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A long time ago, a guy I know was told by his boss to go and get some Tartan paint - not to be outsmarted the guy went and bought six cans of Tartan Special (beer) and promptly consumed the lot!! The boss didn't have the heart to get angry and he is there to this day.

  7. #2567
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
    First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get his cows, but I aint' givin' him any of mine."
    Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'im till I run him off or kill 'im, but I'm keeping all my cows."
    Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to take care of. I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply must keep all my cows."
    They no sooner finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only one animal in it: the biggest baddest bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
    First Bull: "You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."
    Second Bull: "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from him. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."
    They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting.
    First Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it." Third Bull: "Hell, he can have ALL MY COWS. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull!"
    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  8. #2568
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans walk into a fine restaurant.
    "I'm sorry" says the maξtre d', after scrutinizing the group. "But you can't come in here without a Thai".
    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  9. #2569
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A man walks into a bar and says to the barman "will you give me a free drink if i show you something amazing?"
    to which the barman says "sure"
    so the man opens the door and in walks a guy who is only 13 inches high, who sits down at a piano and plays all of Mozart's work from memory.
    The barman is curious and says "how did that happen?" and the man tells him
    "there's a genie round the corner, who's giving away one free wish to everyone he meets."
    So the barman goes round the corner and says to the genie "I wish for ten million bucks!", and all of a sudden it starts raining ducks from the sky. the barman quickly gets indoors to escape the wave of ducks and says to the customer "that genie you told me about is really deaf."
    and the man says "tell me about it. He though I asked for a 13 inch pianist"
    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  10. #2570
    Retired 10,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day


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