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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #261
    Service Manager 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by mrwho View Post
    25 phrases you wish you could say at work more often
    After a telling off from your manager and he says got anything to say,

    "Yeah you could give an asprin a headache"

  2. #262
    PHD in Sh!t Disturbing 250+ Posts Shadow's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Hansoon View Post
    Hahahaha....... that last one of you Zootech was funny indeed. The way you tell them......



    Hans
    I've heard that one before, just as funny now as it was then.............................
    $hit Happens - Deal with it and move on.........................................................................Lock & Load

  3. #263
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by skynet View Post
    After a telling off from your manager and he says got anything to say,

    "Yeah you could give an asprin a headache"
    I've told mine "I'm naming a hemorrhoid after you."
    73 DE W5SSJ

  4. #264
    Major Asshole! 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    I believe this to be a true story...

    A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."


    The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would not compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.


    The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"


    "Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. I was hoping that they would show up again."
    ' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
    Mascan42

    'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'

    Ibid

    I'm just an ex-tech lurking around and spreading disinformation!

  5. #265
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    I told one of my old bosses that I'm going back to university.

    He asked "what the heck for? "

    Told him I'am going to do biology and medicine in particular I'am going to specialise in cloning.

    "Why the hell would you want to do cloning ?", he asked.

    I'am going to clone a twin of myself so I can be in two places at once like you f!#&ing expect,and do twice as much work for half the pay.


    True story...
    Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
    •••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ‘ | x | •[§]••• ••••••

  6. #266
    just one copy?? 500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    While working for a local fishing company, we had a new bloke apply for a job. He was a real joker. The boss asked him during the interview if he was responsible. His reply, "well, at my last job, any time something went wrong, they always said I was responsible/" He got the job.
    I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. ~Thomas Edison

  7. #267
    Major Asshole! 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A baby seal walked into a club...
    ' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
    Mascan42

    'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'

    Ibid

    I'm just an ex-tech lurking around and spreading disinformation!

  8. #268
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Real story....
    My Mom a young 75 yo told me she bought an outdoor umbrella for $30.00.

    I asked what kinda quality could it be for that cost?

    "It has to be great quality, it was on sale!"

    Goes to show, no matter how old women get, to them a sale is a sale.
    Last edited by nmfaxman; 07-24-2012 at 01:36 AM.

  9. #269
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    What is Celibacy?
    Celibacy can be a choice in life or a condition imposed by circumstances.





    While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann, listened to the instructor declare,
    “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”

    He then addressed the men.




    “Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?”

    Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently and whispered,


    “Gold Medal-All-Purpose, Isn't it?”


    And thus began Frank's life of celibacy.
    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  10. #270
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Hansoon View Post
    Hahahaha....... that last one of you Zootech was funny indeed. The way you tell them......



    Hans
    The image was there when I previewed the post - I'll re-post when I find it.


    Wife ask husband, "How many women have you slept with?"

    Husband proudly replies, "Only you, Darling - with all the others, I was awake."

    Hospital Visiting Hours are 10 am to 4 pm


    (Repeated in case image doesn't stay put. And it didn't, maybe with my settings.)
    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

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