Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #2871
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    The Republic of Pineland
    Posts
    4,640
    Rep Power
    121

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Debs1964 View Post
    A customer made me a cup of tea today, I really, really wanted to steal the mug it came in

    Attachment 28640

    If men were a product, made by women, each woman would have a closet full of them. They would never be able to make what they think they want. Just like clothes, they would need different ones for different occasions.

    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  2. #2872
    Retired 5,000+ Posts slimslob's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Bakersfield, CA
    Posts
    8,373
    Rep Power
    181

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by fixthecopier View Post
    Just like clothes, they would need different ones for different occasions.
    I have met a lot of men who treat women the same way. Then when they want to settle down they wonder why no one wants them. I have always found that if you treat everyone with respect until they prove that they do not deserve it, you will get respect back.


  3. #2873
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    The Republic of Pineland
    Posts
    4,640
    Rep Power
    121

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by slimslob View Post
    I have met a lot of men who treat women the same way. Then when they want to settle down they wonder why no one wants them. I have always found that if you treat everyone with respect until they prove that they do not deserve it, you will get respect back.


    Men can be worse. The more macho, the bigger double standard they have. I was always amazed that that guys would have a good time with one type of girl, then marry another type. I would want to spend my life with someone who was fun, rather than someone that impressed my mom. And from what I have seen, if you can't have fun with the one you marry, it will not last.

    That's why I dated a clown for a while. Drawback was that every time I went down on her, my face came up looking like a Picasso painting.

    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  4. #2874
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts Debs1964's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Gravesend, Kent
    Posts
    1,502
    Rep Power
    55

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by fixthecopier View Post
    Men can be worse. The more macho, the bigger double standard they have. I was always amazed that that guys would have a good time with one type of girl, then marry another type. I would want to spend my life with someone who was fun, rather than someone that impressed my mom. And from what I have seen, if you can't have fun with the one you marry, it will not last.
    Shhh, I'm not saying this out loud, so don't repeat it...I don't think men are worse LOL
    So many women want the bad boy, they consider the quiet, thoughtful one to be too boring, then they wonder why their partner doesn't treat them with respect.
    Also, far too many women are interested in nothing more than the size of a man's wallet!!!! I have seen women discussing how much they consider a man should spend on an engagement ring, what is an acceptable amount. I would rather be with a man I love, who makes me happy, and have no diamond on my finger.
    When I got engaged to my last husband (who shall, from now on, be referred to as Shithead) I didn't have an engagement ring for the first 6 months, it didn't worry me if I never got one. During that time I tried on rings starting at 15, if I like it, what does the price matter. Eventually a ring jumped out at both of us as being absolutely perfect, it cost 150, so still well under what lots of women expect.

    I don't suppose there's really much difference between the sexes on their inability to choose a suitable partner, I'm living proof of that.

    I will gloss over the last part of your post

    There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don't

  5. #2875
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    Akitu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Thompson, MB
    Posts
    2,610
    Rep Power
    87

    Re: Joke of the Day

    So I went to a mixed religion seminar.
    The Christian Priest came, laid his hands on my hand and said, By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!
    I smiled and told him I was not paralyzed.
    The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!
    I was less amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me.
    The Mullah came, took my hands and said, Insha Allah, you will walk today!
    I snapped at him, Theres nothing wrong with me
    The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, By the will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!
    I rudely told him there was nothing wrong with me.
    After the sermons, I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen.

    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  6. #2876
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    nmfaxman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Albuquerque
    Posts
    1,713
    Rep Power
    56

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Married in heaven

    On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

    Why do they call it common sense?

    If it were common, wouldn't everyone have it?

  7. #2877
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    The Republic of Pineland
    Posts
    4,640
    Rep Power
    121

    Re: Joke of the Day

    A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.
    The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for only $150."
    The man thought about it and decided he would just have her shipped home for $5000.
    The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150 ?"
    The man replied, "Long ago a man called Jesus Christ died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead...I just can't take that chance."

    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  8. #2878
    Retired 5,000+ Posts slimslob's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Bakersfield, CA
    Posts
    8,373
    Rep Power
    181

    Re: Joke of the Day




  9. #2879
    Technician Techlife's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    Slightly north of Hell
    Posts
    19
    Rep Power
    8

    Re: Joke of the Day

    not sure if this has already been posted here, apologies if it has

    https://youtu.be/R9ETlTZoF1E

    gets me everytime


  10. #2880
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    Akitu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Thompson, MB
    Posts
    2,610
    Rep Power
    87

    Re: Joke of the Day

    I was in the pub last night when the barman asked me "How come I never see you in here with Pete anymore?"
    I asked him, "Would you drink with a bloke who's a liar, always late, borrows money he never pays back, always tries to squirm out of his round, jealous of everything you have, and when your back is turned he tries to fuck your wife and daughter?"
    "Bloody hell! No!" he said, somewhat flabbergasted.
    "Well, neither would Pete"

    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Get the Android App
click or scan for the Copytechnet Mobile App

-=-=-=-=-=-


IDrive Remote Backup

Lunarpages Internet Solutions

Advertise on Copytechnet

Your Link Here