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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #21
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    People say men think about sex every 7 seconds, so I try to eat hot dogs in 6 seconds, just so it doesn't get weird.


  2. #22
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Q. What did the pe_is say to the condom?

    A. Cover me im going in!


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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by nivssluck View Post
    Q. What did the pe_is say to the condom?

    A. Cover me im going in!
    You spend nine months inside one and the rest of your life trying to get back in.


  4. #24
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts Jules Winfield's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by nivssluck View Post
    Q. What did the pe_is say to the condom?

    A. Cover me im going in!
    That reminds me of this one:

    Why did the rubber fly across the room?
    It was pissed off...

    But I'm trying, Ringo. I'm trying real hard... to be the Shepherd.

  5. #25
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    :: One Liners ::

    Q. Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician ?

    A. He worked it out with a pen and paper..........0oo..

    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
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  6. #26
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    ::More one liners::

    Q. What's red and green and sits in your backyard ?

    A. A frog with a hard-on......

    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
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  7. #27
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD
    AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE


    George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
    George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

    He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"

    He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

    Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."

    George said, "Okay."

    He hung up the phone and counted to 30.

    Then he phoned the police again.

    "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.

    Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

    One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

    George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  8. #28
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
    "How do you that the cat was dead?" the teacher asked.
    "Because I pissed in it's ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
    "You did WHAT?!! the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
    "You know", explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Psssst!' and it didn't move."

    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  9. #29
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY


    Never hold your farts in.
    They travel up your spine, into your brain,
    and that is where shitty ideas come from!!!

    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  10. #30
    The Wolf 1,000+ Posts mojorolla's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by ZOOTECH View Post
    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY


    Never hold your farts in.
    They travel up your spine, into your brain,
    and that is where shitty ideas come from!!!

    ...and this was the exact moment Little Johnny decided to become a salesman.




    Failing to plan is planning to fail!!!

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