Joke of the Day

[fixthecopier]

Can you tell me where abouts in Brisbane these "ladies" are? I shall do some further investigation into their pricing structure.

p.s. in Oz you would find stockman or shearer working on a sheep station, the only place you would find a shepherd is in the Bible

The person I stole it from didn't know that.

[fixthecopier]

Yep, 8 billion and still can't find a decent barber

I wasn't kidding when I posted it as funny. In his speech he brags about his wealth, talks about how he will build a fence along the Mexican boarder and make the Mexicans pay for it, makes his grand entrance riding down an escalator. If you didn't know he was a real person you would swear it was a comedy skit.

[Akitu]

If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye?
Beauty; beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

[fixthecopier]

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana when he sees a sign in front of a broken down house ‘Talking Dog For Sale’. He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador sitting there.
“You talk?” he says. “Yep” the dog replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog speak, he says “So, what’s your story?”
The Lab looks up and says, “Well. I discovered I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.”
“I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.”
“I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m retired.”
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
“Ten dollars.” the guy says.
“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”
“Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that shit.”

[fixthecopier]

There's a flower shop in my town...

...that always had great business until one day, a group of local monks opened a flower shop right across the street. Of course, everybody wanted to buy flowers from the brothers. The original flower shop began losing a dangerous amount of business. The owner of the shop began visiting the friars every day to try to ask, beg, and bribe the monks into shutting down their store. They were utterly unseccessful. Finally, the shop owner went down to the local pub to enlist the help of Hugh McTaggert, the biggest, baddest drunkard in town. Hugh broke into the monks' flower shop in the middle of the night and absolutely trashed the place from top to bottom. He left with a note that said "leave now." Not surprisingly, the monks packed up the very next day and headed back to the monastary. The moral of the story: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

[fixthecopier]

A couple goes to see a marriage counselor. They say their marriage is on the rocks because they never speak to each other.
The counselor tries to get them to talk, but they just sit there with their arms folded and their mouths closed. He tries playing games. He tries tricking them. Nothing he can do can get them to talk to each other.
Finally, he pulls out an electric bass and starts playing a solo.
Instantly, the couple turns to each other and starts conversing for the first time in months.
“How on earth did you know that would work?” they ask.
“Simple,” he says, “Everyone always talks during the bass solo.”

[ZOOTECH]

What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?


A Stick

[fixthecopier]

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, when she kept staring at a drunken man swigging a beer as he sat at a nearby table.
I asked her "Do you know him?"
"Yes" she sighed. "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago & he hasn't been sober since.
"WOW" I said. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating for so long?!?"
And that's when the fight started....

[Akitu]

I met a girl with 12 nipples the other night...
Which sounds funny, dozen tit?

[Akitu]

My girlfriend says that a small penis isn't that big of a problem...
But I still think she shouldn't have one.