Joke of the Day

[Gar the pilot]

The Mama test, (as told to me by my sister)

I was out walking with My 4-year-old daughter. She picked up something off of the ground and started to put it into her mouth. I took the item away from her and asked her not to do that.

"Why?" my daughter asked.

"Because it's been on the ground; you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs," I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Mama, how do you know all this stuff? you are smart."

I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mama test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mama. We walked alnog in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she evidently pondering this new information.

"OH....I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be a Dad."

"Exactly," I replied with a big smile on my face.



My sister says when your finished laughing , send this to a Mama.

[gwaddle]

Add to groaners from previous page.

What do you have if you have two little green balls in your hand?
Kermit's undivided attention.

[fixthecopier]

A man is walking through the woods, when he come across a suitcase. Inside the suitcase he finds a fox and her cubs. He dials animal control to report his discovery. The woman on the other end exclaims, "That's horrible... are they moving? The man responds, "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase"

[fixthecopier]

One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy.
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, Are you okay, what's your name?"
"Its Jack , and I'm Okay thanks," I replied.
"Jack , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.
She was very pretty, very sexy and persuasive... I was weak.
"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."
After a restorative brandy, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."
"Don't be silly! Elizabeth said with a smile, She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Under the cart!"

[fixthecopier]

An 85 year old man had been requested to give a sperm sample as part of his psychical exam...The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

[Akitu]

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant.
Apparently it just changes the colour of the baby.

[Akitu]

Break ups are the worst in China. You see her face everywhere.

[slimslob]

[fixthecopier]

Went out with some friends last night and tied one on. Knowing that I was wasted, I did something that I have never done before.
I took a bus home. I arrived home safe and warm, which seemed really surprising
as I have never driven a bus before.

[nmfaxman]

Luke Skywalker and R2-D2 go to a Chinese restaurant for dinner. Luke scans the menu and sees his favorite egg fried rice so he say to R2-D2 “Oh I’m definitely ordering that!” Sure enough when the waiter comes along he orders the egg fried rice and a few other side dishes. Now Luke is absolutely starving, so as soon as his meal arrives he picks up the chopsticks laid out on the table and digs straight in… sure enough it’s as delicious as he hoped. But not being a chopstick pro, Luke has problems getting good mouthfuls of the rice with his chopsticks. He keeps trying, but can’t quite manage. Finally in frustration chucks his chopsticks down and angrily says to R2-D2 “This is ridiculous! How the hell is anyone supposed to eat properly with these!” He’s just about to continue with his angry chopstick rant, when all of a sudden the ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi appears! Before Luke can say another word Obi-Wan Kenobi smiles and gently whispers “Use the forks Luke”.