Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #3181
    Senior Tech 100+ Posts
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    163
    Rep Power
    16

    Re: Joke of the Day

    I have been training and got a black belt today.


    Plus the shoes to match.


  2. #3182
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    The Republic of Pineland
    Posts
    4,640
    Rep Power
    121

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a Psychiatrist and told him I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy. "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the psychiatrist. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears." "How much do you charge?" "Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor. "I’ll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you," I said. Six months later the Psychiatrist met me on the street. "Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked. "Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV." "Is that so!" With a bit of an attitude he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed – ain’t nobody under there now!"

    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  3. #3183
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    ZOOTECH's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Insane Diego, CA
    Posts
    3,068
    Rep Power
    85

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Scientist have just discovered the gene for shyness. They said they would have found it earlier,
    but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes.

    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  4. #3184
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts Debs1964's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Gravesend, Kent
    Posts
    1,502
    Rep Power
    55

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Lagonda View Post
    Not quite but close, I didn't quite catch what the news reader said so I tried to rewind the car radio!

    And it runs in the family, someone walked past the window while Mrs Lagonda was watching TV, she didn't see who it was so she picked up the TV HDD recorder remote and pointed it at the window then hit rewind!!
    That made me laugh...a lot

    There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don't

  5. #3185
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    Akitu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Thompson, MB
    Posts
    2,610
    Rep Power
    87

    Re: Joke of the Day

    A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
    "We're taking American Airlines," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
    "American Airlines?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
    "We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."
    "That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"
    "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
    "That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. You'll be at the back of St Peter's Square and from that distance he'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
    A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.
    "It was wonderful," explained the man. "Not only were we on time in one of American Airlines's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"
    "Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
    "Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me."
    "Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"
    He said, "Where'd you get the shitty haircut?"

    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  6. #3186
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    Akitu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Thompson, MB
    Posts
    2,610
    Rep Power
    87

    Re: Joke of the Day

    A guy comes home completely drunk one night.
    He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.
    “Where the hell have you been all night?” she demands.
    “At this new bar,” he says. “The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It’s got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the urinal’s gold!”
    The wife still doesn’t believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband’s story.
    “Is this the Golden Saloon?” she asks when the bartender answers the phone.
    “Yes it is,” bartender answers.
    “Do you have huge golden doors?”
    “Sure do.” “Do you have golden floors?”
    “Most certainly do.”
    “What about golden urinals?”
    There’s a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, “Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!”

    I can't help but feel I may have posted this one several hundred pages back...

    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  7. #3187
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    ZOOTECH's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Insane Diego, CA
    Posts
    3,068
    Rep Power
    85

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Why are there no pregnant Barbies?
    Because Ken comes in his own box!

    Why don’t chickens wear pants?
    Because their peckers are on their face!

    Why did Michael Jackson run to Target?
    Because he heard little boy's pants were half off!

    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  8. #3188
    Senior Tech 250+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    blsquires's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    perth
    Posts
    341
    Rep Power
    33

    Re: Joke of the Day

    a bloke met his old friend at the shops .how was your your safari holiday .
    don't ask it was terrible and i am very upset.why said his mate.
    i was only there for one day and i got captured by a huge silver back gorilla .he dragged me back to his den and for the next two weeks he kept making love to me day and night.
    his mate said no wonder you look so upset.
    its not that he said .i have been home for three weeks and he hasnt phoned or written.


  9. #3189
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    Akitu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Thompson, MB
    Posts
    2,610
    Rep Power
    87

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?
    It was the pot calling the cattle back.

    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  10. #3190
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    The Republic of Pineland
    Posts
    4,640
    Rep Power
    121

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Last week, a group of Hells Angels bikers were riding South on I-85 in North Carolina country when they saw a girl about to jump off the Catawba River Bridge.
    They stopped.
    George, the top biker was a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Troopers and he says, "Hey Baby, whatcha doin' up there on that there railin'?"
    She says "I'm going to commit suicide!"
    George says "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe, how about you give ol' George here your best goodbye kiss?"
    Without hesitation, she leaned back over the rail and did just that. And it was a long, deep, lingering kiss plus a few more real wet ones. George gets cheers of approval from his biker-buddies, onlookers, and even the State Troopers.
    "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you got there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why the hell are you committing suicide?"
    "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Get the Android App
click or scan for the Copytechnet Mobile App

-=-=-=-=-=-


IDrive Remote Backup

Lunarpages Internet Solutions

Advertise on Copytechnet

Your Link Here