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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #311
    Ghoulscout 500+ Posts Kidaver's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by ni311 View Post
    I've always loved this flash vid...it's a classic....WTF mate!
    "In a cruel and evil world, being cynical can allow you to get some entertainment out of it."

  2. #312
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    THE SHREDDER

    A young engineer was leaving the office at 5:45 pm when he found the CEO standing in
    front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

    "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my
    secretary is not here. Can you make this work?"

    "Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned on the shredder, inserted the
    paper, and pressed the start button.

    "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine,
    "I just need one copy."

    Lesson: Never, never, ever assume that your boss knows what he's doing.
    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  3. #313
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    I was in a bar Saturday night having a few drinks....

    I noticed two fat women sitting by the bar.

    They both had strong accents so i asked

    "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"

    one of them screamed "it's Wales you friggin idiot".

    I immediately apologized and said "sorry are you two

    whales from Ireland?

    That's all i remember.....
    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  4. #314
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    :: Bar Tales ::

    I happen to be talking to my older sister in a night club bar room a loooong time ago.
    Some drunk yobbo (redneck) in front of all his mate, leans over to her said "Hey darling, can you come over here and sit on my face."
    My quick witted sibbling turns to him in front of all his mates says "why is your nose bigger than your dick!" .
    I fell over in fits of laughter and the drunk yobbo couldn't find a small enough ant hole to crawl into to hide.

    True story...
    Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
    •••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ¡ | x | •[§]••• ••••••

  5. #315
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A man escapes from prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.


    He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

    While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict kisses her neck, then goes into the bathroom.

    While he's in there, the husband whispers to his wife; 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.
    I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain.

    Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both! Be strong honey, I love you.

    His wife responds, 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he's gay, thinks you're cute and asked if we had any Vaseline.
    I told him it was in the bathroom. ‘Be strong honey. I love you too.’
    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  6. #316
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    With all of the election commotion going on in the states, I thought this might be a bit appropriate.

    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What are Politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

    #1. I'm the head of the family, so call me The President.

    #2. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

    #3. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People.

    #4. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class.

    #5. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future.

    "Now, think about that and see if it makes sense."

    So, the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

    Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

    So, the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks in t he peephole and finds his father in bed with the Nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

    The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

    The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

    The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class, while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  7. #317
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts HenryT2's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Akitu View Post
    With all of the election commotion going on in the states, I thought this might be a bit appropriate.

    The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class, while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
    YEAH !!!!

    That pretty much describes what is going on ....................
    "The Serenity Prayer" . . .
    God grant me the serenity to accept stupid people , the courage to not waste my time and energy on them , and the wisdom to know that I cannot fix STUPID .

  8. #318
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by HenryT2 View Post
    YEAH !!!!

    That pretty much describes what is going on ....................
    ...what has always been going on, not just in the present time (IMHO)...
    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  9. #319
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Same can be said for Canada, but if I cared THAT much I would actually have to vote. Can't force the elective candidates to see the same problems as the public, can't force a public agenda before a private one blah blah blah...

    *Edit* Yay! 500 posts.
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  10. #320
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    as we pray every newcomer: always read the manual
    Attached Images Attached Images
    If sometimes you feel a little useless, offended and depressed always remember that you were once the fastest and most victorious sperm of hundreds of millions!

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