Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #3221
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Sunshine State QLD.
    Posts
    3,514
    Rep Power
    104

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Akitu View Post
    Hey girl, are you a zero APR loan? Because I don't understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest.
    They tell me Sex is like a bank account: once you withdraw you lose interest.

    Not that I'd know, I appear to be stuggling with both options..........


    Ok I know it's a repeat.......... <grumble>........
    Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
    •••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ¡ | x | •[§]••• ••••••

  2. #3222
    Not a service manager 2,500+ Posts Iowatech's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Iowa
    Posts
    3,933
    Rep Power
    97

    Re: Joke of the Day

    If you've never seen a parody from "Honest Trailers", here's the latest:

  3. #3223
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    The Republic of Pineland
    Posts
    4,716
    Rep Power
    134

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.
    His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars.
    Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
    "There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
    "Ex-wife!”, she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!!!!!"
    Tom's reply: "I wasn't".
    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  4. #3224
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts gwaddle's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    norfolk, nebraska
    Posts
    782
    Rep Power
    43

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Fred and Mary got married.
    But they can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
    As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
    She replies, "No".
    Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
    His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
    Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
    She replies, "No."
    Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
    His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
    After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
    His mom says "No."
    He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
    His mom replies, "Ok, ok, tell me what you think!!!"
    He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
    I know I should be ashamed of myself. Strangely though, I am not.

  5. #3225
    Retired 10,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    slimslob's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Bakersfield, CA
    Posts
    34,128
    Rep Power
    989

    Re: Joke of the Day

    On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
    Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."
    He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
    "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"
    The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
    Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
    The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
    At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."
    They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.

  6. #3226
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    The Republic of Pineland
    Posts
    4,716
    Rep Power
    134

    Re: Joke of the Day

    A student visits the principal's office. The principal asks: "What is your name, son?" The student replies: "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." Then the principal asks: "Oh, do you have a stutter?" Student answers: "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was an asshole."
    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  7. #3227
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    The Republic of Pineland
    Posts
    4,716
    Rep Power
    134

    Re: Joke of the Day

    A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
    The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
    Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."
    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  8. #3228
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    Akitu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Thompson, MB
    Posts
    2,596
    Rep Power
    97

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Jared Fogle of Subway started and ended his career the same way, trying to get into smaller pants.
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  9. #3229
    Service Manager 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    skynet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    You know by now
    Posts
    2,575
    Rep Power
    167

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Whats worse than finding a hole in your condom?

    Finding a condom in your hole!

    When you think you have made a procedure idiot proof your company employs a better idiot.

  10. #3230
    Service Manager 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    skynet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    You know by now
    Posts
    2,575
    Rep Power
    167

    Re: Joke of the Day

    I was in a pub quiz last night and one of the questions was: What have Nicole Kidman, Kylie Minogue and Julia Roberts got in common?

    Apparently, women who I've masturbated to was not the answer.

    When you think you have made a procedure idiot proof your company employs a better idiot.

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Get the Android App
click or scan for the Copytechnet Mobile App

-= -= -= -= -=


IDrive Remote Backup

Lunarpages Internet Solutions

Advertise on Copytechnet

Your Link Here