Joke of the Day

[doug94550]

Two barbershops, located across the street from each other, were constantly competing for customers.
One day, a sign went up in the window of one of the shops: "Haircuts now $4.00".
An hour later, the other shop put up a larger sign: "We repair $4 haircuts".

I saw a TV commercial that was just like this joke.

[Herrmann]

Enjoy

[HenryT2]

How to tell the sex of the common housefly

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'Hunting Flies' he responded.
'Oh. Killing any?' she asked.
'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.


Intrigued, she asked,
'How can you tell them apart?'

He responded,
'3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.'


And that's when he got in trouble...

[kyrenecopy]

A man comes too and finds himself lying on the bathroom floor with a paramedic standing over him. The paramedic asks him if he knows what happened.

The man replies: "I was standing here shaving and my wife walked in. She looked in the mirror and said that her hair was falling out, her boobs were sagging, she was getting fat and her ass was drooping".

She looked at me and said; "isn't there one good thing you can say to me to cheer me up?"

I told her that her eyesight was perfect and that is the last thing I remember.

[ZOOTECH]

Real water bed - YouTube

[Shadow1]

Somebody might have posted this, but still funny.

[HenryT2]

Deep in the back woods, of Letcher County , a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing!."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there", said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think there's another one coming."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" Said the doctor. Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby "No, don't be in a hurry

to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.





The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, . .. . . . . . .
"You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"

[mjarbar]

A blonde pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter. She went to the airport, but the only one available was a solo-helicopter. The Instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes and he could Instruct her via radio.

So up the blonde went. She reached 1,000 feet and everything was going smoothly. She reached 2,000 feet. The blonde and the Instructor kept talking via radio. Everything was running smoothly. At 3,000 feet the helicopter suddenly came down quickly! It skimmed the top of some trees and crash landed in the woods. The Instructor jumped into his jeep and rushed out to see if the blonde was okay.

As he reached the edge of the woods, the blonde was walking out.

"What happened?" the Instructor asked. "All was going so well until you reached 3,000 feet. What happened then?"

"Well," began the blonde, "I got cold. So I turned off the big fan.

I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a loaf of bread, the birds were all over me

[NeoMatrix]

The true origins of the word Kung-fu.

An Aboriginal medicine man was out one day teaching the youth how to throw a boomerang.
There where ten or so young men all standing in a line taking turns to throw their boomerangs.
Each time a boomerang was thrown the medicine man would explain to the class what they needed to do to improve their technique. King Billies great great grand dad was getting real tired of waiting in line for his turn to throw the boomerang, so while the medicine man wasn't looking he stepped up to the line and threw his boomerang.

Well!!! GGKB's boomerang sailed like the wind, it went out over the lake; over the trees; an around again to where GGKB was standing and smacked the medicine man fair in the back of the head flattening him to the ground. As the medicine man got up off the ground he turned around to the class and said " WHAT KUNG FU THAT ?..."

And to this day the word Kung-fu is in the english dictionary...

[emujo]

There are jokes that are so funny I can laugh for hours, there are so jokes that are so bad I can still laugh for a min or two, but for this one I guess you have to be from Australia..

BTW, did you hear about Disney firing Snow White?? She got caught jumping on Pinocchio's nose and yelling "Lie to me, Lie to me!!" (and I think this is one of those "bad jokes").EMujo