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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #4041
    Trusted Tech 50+ Posts izzynut's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    This will no doubt put Coca Cola out of business in the near future...!

    The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.



    It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.


    Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink.


    Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
    Thought for the day...There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.


    This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them



  2. #4042
    Service Manager 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by izzynut View Post
    This will no doubt put Coca Cola out of business in the near future...!

    The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.



    It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.


    Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink.


    Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
    Thought for the day...There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.


    This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them
    BWAHAHAHAHA WAIT !! what am I laughing @? I'll be one of 'em!


  3. #4043
    Trusted Tech 50+ Posts izzynut's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
    Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

    'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

    'Sure.'

    'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.

    'No, I can remember it.'

    'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'

    He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

    'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.

    Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

    Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

    'Where's my toast?'




  4. #4044
    Trusted Tech 50+ Posts izzynut's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
    The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ' Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.'
    The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
    The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns'
    'Do you mean a rose?'
    'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'



  5. #4045
    Trusted Tech 50+ Posts izzynut's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
    After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
    On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
    'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'




  6. #4046
    Trusted Tech 50+ Posts izzynut's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A manwas telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
    'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
    'Twelve thirty'



  7. #4047
    Geek Extraordinaire 2,500+ Posts KenB's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    I think I’m sensing a trend here...

    Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the fire hydrant.

  8. #4048
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by KenB View Post
    I think I’m sensing a trend here...
    I'm glad you wrote it down for m...
    ......

    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
    [Exchange manual acquisitions, PM's CTN members only. ]
    •••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ‘ | x | •[§]••• ••••••

  9. #4049
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A little old manshuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
    The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
    'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'



  10. #4050
    Retired 5,000+ Posts slimslob's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day




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