Page 406 of 411 FirstFirst ... 306356396397398399400401402403404405406407408409410411 LastLast
Results 4,051 to 4,060 of 4107

Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #4051
    Trusted Tech 50+ Posts izzynut's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    Bathurst, NB
    Posts
    90
    Rep Power
    14

    Re: Joke of the Day

    An old man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.

    A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won’t quit, came to his table and asked if he was ready to order,

    "What would you like, sir?”

    He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."

    The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.

    After she regains her composure, she returns and asks again

    "What would you like, sir?" Again the old man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "a quickie, please.”

    This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.

    A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it’s pronounced 'quiche'.


  2. #4052
    Senior Tech 100+ Posts
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Posts
    194
    Rep Power
    9

    Re: Joke of the Day

    A seal walks into a bar, bartender says what can I get you?
    Seal says anything but a Canadian Club.


  3. #4053
    Trusted Tech 50+ Posts izzynut's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    Bathurst, NB
    Posts
    90
    Rep Power
    14

    Re: Joke of the Day


  4. #4054
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Sunshine State QLD.
    Posts
    2,848
    Rep Power
    73

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by izzynut View Post
    Naah... its just Hi-way patrol doing tactical training with the water patrol squad.
    The one in the pic is call the PIT manoeuvre. Apparently the bad-guy doesn't see you coming but the fish do.
    The departments are cutting down on expenses by combining both squads into one training session.

    It's all legit...

    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
    [Exchange manual acquisitions, PM's CTN members only. ]
    •••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ‘ | x | •[§]••• ••••••

  5. #4055
    Retired 5,000+ Posts slimslob's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Bakersfield, CA
    Posts
    8,543
    Rep Power
    185

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.
    One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenneth," he says.
    "And what is your question, Kenneth?" she asks.
    "I have three questions," he says.
    "First -- whatever happened in Benghazi?
    "Second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts?
    "And, third -- whatever happened to the missing six billion dollars while you were Secretary of State?"
    Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
    When they resume Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time.
    Who has a question?"
    A different boy -- little Johnny -- puts his hand up.
    Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is.
    "Johnny," he says.
    "And what is your question, Johnny?" she asks.
    "I have five questions," he says.
    "First -- whatever happened in Benghazi?
    "Second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts?
    "Third -- whatever happened to the missing six billion dollars while you were Secretary of State?
    "Fourth -- why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
    "And, fifth -- where's Kenneth?"


  6. #4056
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    Lagonda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    1,512
    Rep Power
    55

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by izzynut View Post
    This will no doubt put Coca Cola out of business in the near future...!

    The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.



    It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.


    There was a idea put forward to sell Viagra and Prozac as a two pack. The thought behind it was that if you din't get a fu(k you din't give a fu(k!!!!!


    At least 50% of IT is a solution looking for a problem.

  7. #4057
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts bob marley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    1,086
    Rep Power
    28

    Re: Joke of the Day

    A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room.
    He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

    Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

    The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm
    sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing.
    Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb."
    The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

    The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

    Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

    Live for yourself and you will live in vain. Live for others, and you will live again

  8. #4058
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts bob marley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    1,086
    Rep Power
    28

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a
    bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying.

    She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me ...the whole world hates me!"

    Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging
    word: "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."


    Live for yourself and you will live in vain. Live for others, and you will live again

  9. #4059
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Sunshine State QLD.
    Posts
    2,848
    Rep Power
    73

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Two blokes are sitting on the local park bench one fine sunny day.
    One bloke is pretending to fish from a boat.
    The other guy is just sitting there reading a book.
    The local copper sitting at a distance is watching the first guy
    pretending to throw a fishing line out and retrieve it back in.
    Feeling a tad phased, the copper finally gives up and wanders over to the guys.
    He ask the guy reading the book,"what's with the fisherman, ...is he a okay?"
    The guy reading the book looks up and says to the copper "he's perfectly fine".
    The copper says "I think you should take your mate there home".
    The guy reading the book looks up and says" I can't we lost the oars to the boat."

    ....?

    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
    [Exchange manual acquisitions, PM's CTN members only. ]
    •••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ‘ | x | •[§]••• ••••••

  10. #4060
    Trusted Tech 50+ Posts izzynut's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    Bathurst, NB
    Posts
    90
    Rep Power
    14

    Re: Joke of the Day

    A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a LS460 when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

    The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?

    The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working.

    The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is it that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7 million, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"


    The surgeon paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic. "Try doing it with the engine running.







Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Get the Android App
click or scan for the Copytechnet Mobile App

-=-=-=-=-=-


IDrive Remote Backup

Lunarpages Internet Solutions

Advertise on Copytechnet

Your Link Here