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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #4261
    Senior Tech 100+ Posts izzynut's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Dakota. He shot a bird, but it fell into the field on the other side of the fence.




    As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.









    The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."









    The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."









    The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in New York and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."









    The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Dakota. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three Kick Rule."









    The lawyer asked, "What’s the Three Kick Rule?"









    The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."









    The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.









    The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!









    His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.









    The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."









    (I love this part)









    The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."




    Don’t you just love old people!!!

  2. #4262
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know...

    One day, the police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside and made them line up. By chance, Lulu's grandma came by.

    Grandma asked,

    "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"

    Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, Lulu told her that the police were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.

    "What, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line.

    A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all the prostitutes.

    When he got to grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed,

    "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it old girl?"

    Grandma replied,

    "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck 'em' dry."
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

  3. #4263
    Service Manager 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    Phil B.'s Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Geo View Post
    Not sure if I should laugh , cry or have another beer.....
    and there is problem?

    HAVA NOTHER BEER!

  4. #4264
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A woman goes to her gynecologist,

    "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doctor.

    The woman says:

    "Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina!"


    The doctor has a look, laughs and says:

    "Those arent postage stamps dear, they're the stickers off the bananas."
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

  5. #4265
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts Geo's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by tsbservice View Post
    A woman goes to her gynecologist,

    "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doctor.

    The woman says:

    "Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina!"


    The doctor has a look, laughs and says:

    "Those arent postage stamps dear, they're the stickers off the bananas."
    This is wrong on so many levels....But so right....TOO Funny......

  6. #4266
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Geo View Post
    This is wrong on so many levels....But so right....TOO Funny......


    The medical term is a-cute tan-gental potassium suppository.

    Well, if its not in the medical dictionary it is now....
    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
    [Exchange manual acquisitions, PM's CTN members only. ]
    •••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ‘ | x | •[§]••• ••••••

  7. #4267
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A wife asked her husband to describe her.

    He said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

    She said, "What does that mean?"

    He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous Hot".

    She said, "Oh that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?"

    He said, "I'm Just Kidding."
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

  8. #4268
    Retired 5,000+ Posts slimslob's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by tsbservice View Post
    A wife asked her husband to describe her.

    He said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

    She said, "What does that mean?"

    He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous Hot".

    She said, "Oh that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?"

    He said, "I'm Just Kidding."
    He hasn't been heard from since.

  9. #4269
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?

    The Rolling Stones say, "Hey, You, get offa my cloud!"

    The Scotsman says "Hey, Macloud, Get offa my ewe!"

  10. #4270
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    It's a big deck
    YouTube

    as Iowatect says, 'open at your own risk'
    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

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