Joke of the Day

[skynet]

Only an engineer would say fu*cking Lexmark

[mrwho]

Looks familiar...

[Shadow1]

...just so long as nobody posts the full video of my avatar.

[Akitu]

Jack leased an apartment and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Jack smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. Poor Jack broke out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming,"
He followed her into her apartment, she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
Flustered and embarrassed, Jack finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears!"
Astounded and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural! I work out every day! My butt is firm and solid! Look at my skin no blemishes anywhere! How can you feel the best part of my body is my ears?"
Clearing his throat, Jack stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming...That was me."

[ZOOTECH]

Getting Older:

A distraught senior citizen
phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication
you prescribed has to be taken
for the rest of my life?"
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence
before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then,
just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked

'NO REFILLS'…"

[ZOOTECH]

An older gentleman was
on the operating table
awaiting surgery
and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon,
perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia,
he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son;
do your best,
and just remember,
if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me,
your mother
is going to come and
live with you and your wife...."

[ZOOTECH]

Two guys, one old, one young,
are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart
when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy,
"Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
and I guess I wasn't paying attention
to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too...
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well,
maybe I can help you find her...
what does she look like?"
The young guy says,
"Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall,with red hair,
blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra,
long legs, and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter,
--- let's look for yours."

[Akitu]

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent...stink terribly."
The doctor says,"Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

[ZOOTECH]

Medicare Part X Let's say you are an ill senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Medicare Part X gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets, and you are allowed to shoot four politicians. This means, of course, you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and full health care. Need new teeth? No problem. Need a pair of new glasses? Piece of cake. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They’re all covered. As for your kids, they can come and visit you as often as they do now. And best of all, you can get rid of 4 useless politicians while you are at it. As an added plus, because you are a guest of the state, you no longer have to pay any income taxes. So who will be paying for all of this? It’s the same government that told you it can't afford for you to go into a nursing home. Is this a great country or what?

[NeoMatrix]

Medicare Part X {random snip} So who will be paying for all of this? It’s the same government that told you it can't afford for you to go into a nursing home. Is this a great country or what?

:: Truth is stranger than fiction. :: {Off topic}

The politicians where going to wipe out the dole system in Australia and force every one to work for the dole. They asked the university professors to work out a viable system. The professors told the big wigs it was cheaper to pay the dole than to put all the starving and rioting people in prison. The professors quickly worked out that putting starving people in prison was going to cost the tax payer 10 times more than the dole system does at present. The prof's said to politicians "you will be paying the tax payers money at one end or the other."