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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #41
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    skynet's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by mjarbar View Post
    This will only make sense to those who remember 'Play-away' on BBC kids TV in the 70's and 80's...but I found it funny anyway!!!

    Brian May is a slightly more optimistic version of Brian Cant.

    - Or -

    I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or 'foreplay' as she likes to call it.

    for everyone else...
    Remember Rainbow ?




  2. #42
    just one copy?? 500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A police officer stops a motorist and approaches the car: "Do you know you were doing 90miles per hour down this road" says the officer "But I haven't been out an hour!" says the driver, "Oh very funny - what's your name?" "Why - Don't you have one?" "Oh so your not telling me! Have you got a police record?" "I've got 'Walking on the moon' if you want it!"


    I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. ~Thomas Edison

  3. #43
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts Jules Winfield's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Alright...

    So there were this man and woman who were having sex in a parking lot with a bunch of witnesses present. The police arrested them and eventually they end up in court along with several of the witnesses. When they got around to questioning the first witness, who was a run-of-the-mill soccer mom, the judge asked, "What did you see?". The soccer mom replied, "A man and a woman fucking in the parking lot". The judge said, "Five dollar fine for cursing in court". The second witness, who was a kindly old custodian for a local elementary school was asked, "What did you see?". His reply was, "A man and a woman fucking in the parking lot". "Five dollar fine for cursing in court" the judge said once again. The third witness, a streetwise, young thug from the projects was asked the same question, "What did you see?". To which he replied,
    "The pants flew down
    he shoved his dick in
    if that's not fuckin'
    you can charge me ten!"

    But I'm trying, Ringo. I'm trying real hard... to be the Shepherd.

  4. #44
    Adeptus Mechanicus Magos 500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by skynet View Post
    Remember Rainbow ?
    Still trying to forget it, but youtube as some funny bits where the double entandres fly like an e-clip across the room!!!

    The impossible is easy - miracles take a little longer
    So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.

  5. #45
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Little Johnny, Tommy and Billy where all late one day for their school class.

    Little Tommy walks in to the classroom and the teacher asks him, "Where have you been Tommy"?
    Little Tommy replies "I've been sticken cracka's(fireworks) up toads(frogs) asses miss."
    The teacher gives him a whack on the backside and say's "don't say ass say rectum", get into class...

    Little Billy walks in to the classroom and the teacher asks him "Where have you been Billy" ?
    Little Billy replies "I've been sticken cracka's up toads asses miss."
    The teacher in turn gives him a crack on the backside and say's "don't say ass say rectum", get into class...

    Little Johnny full of cheek comes watlzing in to the classroom and the teacher asks him "Where have you been Johnny"?
    And Little Johnny replies "I've been sticken cracka's up toads asses miss."
    The teacher turn gives him a crack across the backside and say's "don't say ass say rectum".
    Little Johnny looks up at her and says "f@#ing oath we wreck-em"...

    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
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  6. #46
    PHD in Sh!t Disturbing 250+ Posts Shadow's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    $hit Happens - Deal with it and move on.........................................................................Lock & Load

  7. #47
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A young man moved out from home and into his first apartment. He went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, a stunning young blonde lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with Him.

    As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

    After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

    He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"

    Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."

    Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears?! Look at these breasts; they are a full 39 inches and 100 percent natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"

    Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming...that was me."



  8. #48
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by skynet View Post
    Parachute Jumping

    On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
    The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"
    "That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."
    After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"



  9. #49
    Service Manager 10,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Thumbs down Re: Joke of the Day

    littleredgirl


    WTF ! What is the point of posting someone else's entire message without adding anything?


  10. #50
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Thumbs down Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by manuals4you View Post
    littleredgirl


    WTF ! What is the point of posting someone else's entire message without adding anything?

    WTF ! What is the point of posting someone else's entire message without adding anything useful apart form a slightly derogatory reply to a new member who, as far as I am aware has not asked for fimware or a service manual?

    Last edited by skynet; 04-10-2012 at 07:40 PM.

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