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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #501
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    I checked my email to find a slew of them had come in and I got all excited, like "Yay! The joke thread is gaining popularity again!". Then I looked and realized nmfaxman can't find the edit button.

    How's that for a joke?

    Speaking of the edit button, used mine to expand this one post with my list of 25 signs you have grown up today.


    1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
    2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question..
    3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
    4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
    5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
    6. You watch the Weather Channel.
    7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "breakup."
    8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
    9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
    10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
    11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
    12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
    13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
    14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
    15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
    16. You take naps from noon to 6 PM
    17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
    18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
    19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
    20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
    21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
    22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
    23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
    24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
    25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.


    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  2. #502
    Adeptus Mechanicus Magos 500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Akitu View Post
    Speaking of the edit button, used mine to expand this one post with my list of 25 signs you have grown up today.


    1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.


    <SNIP>


    1. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.
    Oh crap...

    The impossible is easy - miracles take a little longer
    So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.

  3. #503
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow1 View Post
    I believe you've invested too much time and imagination doing the math here...
    Math! what math!
    Assuming the man is 3 foot tall and standing by the fire 18inch away. If his penis is attached half way up his body (18inches) then to reach the coals with his penis he would have to have a hang 18 x 1.414 = 25 inches long, or 3/4 of his body length. Wow! that's impressive...

    I'm just saying that he would have been a very well hung man to reach the coals while standing... The best I have seen in a skin flick movie a long time ago was a swing party with two African Blokes both with a hang of 24 inches. I mean the blooding thing hung to their knees. That is not a penis that is a weapon. You could club someone to death with that.

    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
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  4. #504
    Field Supervisor 1,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by NeoMatrix View Post
    Math! what math!
    Just saying I think most of us would prefer you leave your pecker calculations to you own imagination... I certainly didn't need to read that. On the other hand similar calculations using bra sizes could be interesting - you could even do algebra with the letters

    Be careful in teaching your children it is acceptable to abort an inconvenient unplanned pregnancy because they may also determine it is acceptable to euthanize an inconvenient elderly parent.

  5. #505
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow1 View Post
    Just saying I think most of us would prefer you leave your pecker calculations to you own imagination... I certainly didn't need to read that. On the other hand similar calculations using bra sizes could be interesting - you could even do algebra with the letters
    haha... Should I start the algerbra with "DD" and work backwards. I guarantee the algerbra would have a proportionally ratio of change to the angle of a blokes pecker.

    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
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  6. #506
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts Debs1964's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow1 View Post
    Just saying I think most of us would prefer you leave your pecker calculations to you own imagination... I certainly didn't need to read that. On the other hand similar calculations using bra sizes could be interesting - you could even do algebra with the letters
    But remember, there's some of us that would have no interest in bra size calculations ;-)


  7. #507
    Major Asshole! 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Debs1964 View Post
    But remember, there's some of us that would have no interest in bra size calculations ;-)
    The majority wins.

    ' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
    Mascan42

    'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'

    Ibid

  8. #508
    Adeptus Mechanicus Magos 500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by NeoMatrix View Post
    haha... Should I start the algerbra with "DD" and work backwards. I guarantee the algerbra would have a proportionally ratio of change to the angle of a blokes pecker.
    You may find the following equation a help:

    V(hemi) = 2/3 π r^3 (Volume = two thirds pi times radius cubed)

    Have fun...

    The impossible is easy - miracles take a little longer
    So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.

  9. #509
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Debs1964 View Post
    But remember, there's some of us that would have no interest in bra size calculations ;-)


    Haha (For y-gen LOL) I guess I'm up that proverbial creek without a paddle.
    It appears that I'm stuck between the rocks and peeks...

    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
    [Exchange manual acquisitions, PM's CTN members only. ]
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  10. #510
    Major Asshole! 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Look at that pair of boobies!!!

    274393159_WPZ8v-L-1.jpg

    ' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
    Mascan42

    'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'

    Ibid

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