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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #551
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    :: I must be scrapping the bottom of the barrel this is an old Joke ::

    A man in his vieral youth walks into a pharmacy(drug store) looking for condoms.
    The lady behind the counter explains they come in many different shape sizes and construction.

    He asked for the prices of each condom.
    The lady explains :
    The wood ones are 10 cents each
    The rubber ones are 20 cents each
    The steel ones are 30 cents each

    He didn't want to appear too financially poor to his new lady friend so he purchased a rubber condom.
    Lo and behold the man and lady where going hammer and tong when the condom broke.
    9 months later their new bundle of joy was born.

    One day the young child goes to pre-school and comes home crying.
    Daddy daddy every time the kids punch me I bounce off the wall.
    Don't worry about it son it will pass.

    One day the young man goes to school and comes home upset.
    Daddy every time the other students punch me I bounce off the wall.
    Don't worry about it son it's in your genes.

    One day the man goes to university and comes home destraught.
    Dad every time the facality punch me I bounce off the wall.
    Oh well you can blame that on your mother son.
    If I paid 10 cents more at the time you would have been bionic.
    Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
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  2. #552
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    Akitu's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice... picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and grapefruit trees.

    The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

    As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

    He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

    One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

    The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked, nor to make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm just here to feed the alligator."

    Moral: Old men can still think fast.
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  3. #553
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    The Cow, the Ant and the Old Fart

    A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.


    The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!"

    The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"






























    Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something.
    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  4. #554
    PHD in Sh!t Disturbing 250+ Posts Shadow's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    IRISH SAUSAGES


    Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
    Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'
    He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
    Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'
    Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'
    He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jameson Whisky.
    Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'
    Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers! '
    They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'
    The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
    They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk,all for free.
    At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm so drunk and me knees are killing me!'
    Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember in which pub I lost the sausage.'











    $hit Happens - Deal with it and move on.........................................................................Lock & Load

  5. #555
    grumpy old git 500+ Posts banginbishop's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    a teacher ask the class to name things that end with "tor" that eats things.
    the first little boy says "aligator" "very good, thats a big word".
    the second boy says "predator" "yes, thats another big word well done"
    little johnny says "vibrator miss"
    After nearly falling off her chair, she says "that is a big word but it doesnt eat anything"
    little johnny replied "well my sister has one and she says it eats fucking batteries like theres no tomorrow!"

  6. #556
    PHD in Sh!t Disturbing 250+ Posts Shadow's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    the original sin
    no matter how hard you try, absolutely no one can top this...

    ATT00037.jpg

    $hit Happens - Deal with it and move on.........................................................................Lock & Load

  7. #557
    Technician WilliamTucker's Avatar
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    A joke you can use on your Co-workers.

    Your Service manager and 2 techs decide to go on a long trip.
    Along the way they become tired and find a hotel to stay at.
    Though the hotel was at capacity and only had one room left with one bed left.
    They figure, it should be fine to stay in the one bed over night so the service manager sleeps in the middle of the two techs.

    The next morning everything seemed to have gone well, as they were fully rested.
    As they drove off to their destination they began to converse about the dreams they had, had that night.

    Both techs were saying they dreamed of having the best sex of their lives!

    Bummed, The service manager said he only dreamed about going skiing.

  8. #558
    John_Betong
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Comforting the Grammar Police


    q: What do you say when you're comforting the Grammar Police?

    a. There, Their, They're

  9. #559
    Field Supervisor 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Akitu View Post
    All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.
    About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out." Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
    A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."
    "No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."
    What happened "16 years ago"??? Emujo

  10. #560
    Field Supervisor 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Middle aged lady walks into the doctors office and says "Doc, you've got to help me, every time I go to the bathroom, quarters come out!". The doc gives her a couple of asprin and says "come back and see me it 2 weeks"

    2 weeks later, she's back.."Doc, the problems getting worse, now, every time I go to the bathroom, 1/2 dollars are coming out, what is going on with me?". Doc says "go home, take these asprin and come back in 2 weeks"

    2 weeks later, she back. "Doc this is freaking me out..now when I go to the bathroom silver dollars are coming out..what in the hell is wrong with me?" Doc says, relax, you're just going through your change" Emujo

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