Joke of the Day

[jonezy999]

Come on jonsey999, give us Yanks a hint.

OK, here's the hint

"GOD HATES FAGS" or "THANK GOD FOR DEAD SOLDIERS"

They also believe those poor kids and teachers that were killed is God's way of punishing us for the way mankind lead their lives.

Westboro Baptist Church Says It Will Picket Vigil For Connecticut School Shooting Victims


So the joke is these idiots and all they believe in.

[ZOOTECH]

OK, here's the hint

"GOD HATES FAGS" or "THANK GOD FOR DEAD SOLDIERS"

They also believe those poor kids and teachers that were killed is God's way of punishing us for the way mankind lead their lives.

Westboro Baptist Church Says It Will Picket Vigil For Connecticut School Shooting Victims


So the joke is these idiots and all they believe in.

Sorry, I didn't make the connection at first - there are some pretty f'd up, so called, religious folk that don't live up to what they say they believe in.
We should all live and let live!!!

[Shadow1]

So the joke is these idiots and all they believe in.

Not funny, however if somebody else wants to go postal and go on a shooting rampage, this "church" is not hard to find...

[Akitu]

On a lighter note...

A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers.
The woman says, " Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answered the woman.
"We don't have a maid," said the woman.
The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the man of the house.
The woman says, "Well, this is his wife. Is he there?"
The maid replied, "He is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife."
The woman is fuming. She says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
The maid says, "What will I have to do?"
The woman tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he's with."
The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"
The woman says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."
Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here."
A long pause and the woman says, "Is this 832-4821?"

[ZOOTECH]

RETIRED HEALTH MESSAGE

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world,I rapidly realized that I don't really give a rat's ass.
It's the tortoise life for me!

1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks nothing but water and is fat.

3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.

4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.

And you tell me to exercise? I don't think so.

I'm retired. Go around me.

Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.

3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

6. If all is not lost, where is it?

7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

10. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

11. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

12. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

13. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter.

14. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

15. DID I SEND THESE TO YOU BEFORE?

[NeoMatrix]

RETIRED HEALTH MESSAGE

(random snip.... abit like a vasectomy )


arsent assbent absent minded...

Can you send the RETIRED HEALTH MESSAGE again....... .................

[Lagonda]

On a lighter note...

A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers.
The woman says, " Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answered the woman.
"We don't have a maid," said the woman.
The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the man of the house.
The woman says, "Well, this is his wife. Is he there?"
The maid replied, "He is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife."
The woman is fuming. She says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
The maid says, "What will I have to do?"
The woman tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he's with."
The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"
The woman says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."
Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here."
A long pause and the woman says, "Is this 832-4821?"

Yet another good reason for gun control.

[Akitu]

Yet another good reason for gun control.

While I agree with the statement... Really? I'm trying to post jokes here to make people laugh. I don't think this is an appropriate time or place for this. There's already about a half dozen other threads mentioning it on here, and I'm sure everyone's social media centres are clogged with it as well. The two are undoubtedly completely unrelated, and it's drawing needless attention to something already saturated.

[Lagonda]

While I agree with the statement... Really? I'm trying to post jokes here to make people laugh. I don't think this is an appropriate time or place for this. There's already about a half dozen other threads mentioning it on here, and I'm sure everyone's social media centres are clogged with it as well. The two are undoubtedly completely unrelated, and it's drawing needless attention to something already saturated.

I do agree with you Akitu, but if you keep chipping away at it at every opportunity you will eventually change peoples mindset. Think of it like advertising, get the brand name mentioned at every chance you can and it will sooner or later end up as part of peoples every day lives ie Coke and McDonalds.

Anyway, back to the stocktake as the end of the world happens in two days and I must get the books to balance.

[blsquires]

santa was very busy ,it was christmas eve and he was running late packing up all the toys .there was a knock on the door so he left everything and went to the door .it was the good fairy and she said ,santa i have a lovely lovley present for you ,grumpy santa said what is it ,the good fairy said its a lovely lovely christmas tree .santa said you can shove it up your bottom . thats why a lot of christmas trees have a fairy at the top