Joke of the Day

[mrwho]

"I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women."

"Yeah what happened?"

"Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle."

[Akitu]

"I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women."

"Yeah what happened?"

"Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle."

[mrwho]

There was a young girl named Sapphire
Who succumbed to her lover's desire.
She said, "It's a sin,
but now that it's in,
Could you shove it a few inches higher?"

[Akitu]

There was a young girl named Sapphire
Who succumbed to her lover's desire.
She said, "It's a sin,
but now that it's in,
Could you shove it a few inches higher?"

I sense a dirty limerick thread coming on.

There once was a man from Nantucket...

[mrwho]

By all means, fire away:

There once was a woman from Bombay,
She carved a pussy out of clay.
The heat from his dick,
Turned it into brick,
And ripped all his foreskin away.

[mrwho]

And another one before going to bed:

There was a young lady from France
Supposed to play at a dance,
She ate a banana
And played the piano
And music came out of her pants.

Have a good night!

[mjarbar]

She stood on the bridge at midnight,
Throwing snowballs at the Moon,
She said she had never had it,
But she spoke to Soon...!

Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon,
500,000 volts went up its bum
and turned its wool to nylon!

[mrwho]

There once was a young man named Lanny
The size of whose prick was uncanny.
His wife, the poor dear,
Took it into her ear,
And it came out the hole in her fanny.

[Akitu]

Two city slickers was trekkin through the desert on horseback when they stopped for a break. As one was having a piddle behind a rock, a rattlesnake shot out from nowhere and promptly bit him right on the tip of his member.
Reeling from the shock and pain, he called his buddy. His buddy told him to just lie still and he would race back to the town they just passed, locate a doctor and find out what to do.
In a flash the buddy was off and very quickly he found a doctor. After hearing the predicament, the doctor instructed...
"You must work quickly, time is of the essence if your friend is to live. You must take a sharp knife, make a very small incision at the bite area and suck the poison out. Place your mouth over the wound and gently suck, then spit, suck, then spit. Do this for at least 15 minutes. Now hurry back."
The buddy rode back to his friend, who by this time was barely conscious. He asked weakly "Well, what did the doctor say?"
His buddy replied... "The doctor said you're going to die."

[mrwho]

Dihydrogen Monoxide: The Invisible Killer

Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide!

Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there.

Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance.

For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawl means certain death.

Dihydrogen monoxide Facts:

1. is also know as hydric acid, and is the major component of acid rain
2. contributes to the "greenhouse effect"
3. may cause severe burns
4. contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape
5. accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals
6. may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients

CONTAMINATION IS REACHING EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS!

Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream, lake and reservoir in America today. But the pollution is global, and the contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice.

DHMO has caused millions of dollars in property damage in the Midwest, and recently California.

Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:
- as an industrial solvent and coolant
- in nuclear power plants
- in the production of styrofoam
- as a fire retardant
- in many forms of cruel animal research
- in the distribution of pesticides; even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical
- as an additive in certain "junk-foods" and other food products

Companies dump waste DHMO into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. The impact on wildlife is extreme, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer!

THE HORROR MUST BE STOPPED!

The American government has refused to ban the production and distribution chemical due to its "importance to the economic health of this nation". In fact, the navy and other military organizations are conducting experiments with DHMO, and designing multi-billion dollar devices to control and utilize it during warfare situations. Hundreds of military research facilities receive tons of it through a highly sophisticated underground distribution network. Many store large quantities for later use.

IT'S NOT TOO LATE! Act NOW to prevent further contamination!