Joke of the Day

[Akitu]

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One's a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean!

[HenryT2]

This is for all you vegetarians out there ........

VeggieHam.jpg

[mohan]

Scientists have located the gene responsible for shyness. It was hiding behind two others!

[Akitu]

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.
It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.
Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.
Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:"If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000. "
"Now," he concluded," which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

[Akitu]

The first guy pulls out a deck of playing cards and says, "Don't worry, guys. I brought these cards with me so that we can play poker to pass the time."
The second guy pulls out a harmonica and says, "I brought this harmonica so that I can play some music to cheer us up when we're feeling down."
The third guy pulls out a box of tampons.
"What the hell are we supposed to do with those!?" ask the first two.
"Well, it says on the back that I can ride, swim, ski, and play tennis with these."

[nmfaxman]

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."

The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. "1,228," he answered.

"That's right! You may enter."

St. Peter turned to the lawyer. "Name them."

[Akitu]

An officer pulls up to the scene of an accident where a car has driven through a field, killed several livestock and crashed into a barn. He decides to interview Steve who is struggling to keep his balance and is being propped up by Karen.
"Been out for a few have we mate?" asks the officer.
"Shuure ave mate" grins Steve.
"I realize you are very drunk sir," states the officer, "but that is absolutely no excuse to let your wife drive you home!"

[BHRLC]

THIS
http://i.imgur.com/tICJIbz.jpg

[NeoMatrix]

An officer pulls up to the scene of an accident where a car has driven through a field, killed several livestock and crashed into a barn. He decides to interview Steve who is struggling to keep his balance and is being propped up by Karen.
"Been out for a few have we mate?" asks the officer.
"Shuure ave mate" grins Steve.
"I realize you are very drunk sir," states the officer, "but that is absolutely no excuse to let your wife drive you home!"

Brings back real life memories.
"I'm n.n.not as think as you drunk I am o.o.ociffer...."

[slimslob]

Brings back real life memories.
"I'm n.n.not as think as you drunk I am o.o.ociffer...."

Or "lonesthy ociffer i ain't deen brinking"