Joke of the Day

[Akitu]

A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil.
As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.
'That's unfair!' he cried. 'I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman.'
'Shut up,' barked the devil, jabbing the man with his pitchfork. 'Who are you to question that woman's punishment?'

[daveyball]

My mate Paddy just told me he robbed a shop last night. "What did you get?" I said. 26 pictures he smiled, showing me.
"The cheapest one is worth over £180,000. look" I said, for Gods sake, Paddy those are from an Estate Agents

[blsquires]

bloke was driving his new jaguar along a long winding road when a bloke in a rolls Royce went past him at a 100 miles an hour .
the bloke in the jag got annoyed at this so he put his foot down and overtook the rolls Royce .a bit further up the road there was a man standing next to his bike thumbing a lift .the rolls stopped and the driver said whats up .the cyclist said I am worn out and its 100 miles to the next town.ok said the driver tie your bike to the rear bumper and I will toe you into town ,if you have any problems just ring your bell and I will stop.so off they go .a few miles up the road the jag was parked in a layby .he saw the rolls and sped off and overtook him.the rolls driver wasn't having any of this so he put his foot down to overtake .

there was a patrol car up ahead and the driver said we will do him for speeding. what said his mate the jag no said the driver.oh said his mate the rolls Royce.
no said the driver that bloke on his bike,hes ringing his bell and screaming trying to overtake both of them.

[NeoMatrix]

:: Astronomical Observations::

Said the Teacher to Tommy while studying the stars,
"Have you seen Mars..."?
Said Tommy to Teacher looking so cute,
"I have'nt seen Mars but Pa's got a beaut"...

[emujo]

:: Astronomical Observations::

Said the Teacher to Tommy while studying the stars,
"Have you seen Mars..."?
Said Tommy to Teacher looking so cute,
"I have'nt seen Mars but Pa's got a beaut"...

I think we need a "this one's really funny if you can figure it out category"...BTW I don't get it..Emujo

[Akitu]

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around a shopping mall when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a red halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
The old guy says, "Doesn't matter - let's look for yours."

[NeoMatrix]

Astronomical Observations::

Said the Teacher to Tommy while studying the stars, "Have you seen Mars..."? Said Tommy to Teacher looking so cute, "I have'nt seen Ma's but Pa's got a beaut"...

I think we need a "this one's really funny if you can figure it out category"...BTW I don't get it..Emujo

Ma = Mother, Pa = father... Astronomical means f#%&ing huge....

[Lagonda]

I think we need a "this one's really funny if you can figure it out category"...BTW I don't get it..Emujo

Try this one for size!

Tommy asked his parents for a watch for Christmas, so they let him!

[emujo]

Ma = Mother, Pa = father... Astronomical means f#%&ing huge....

Nope, still don't have a clue. This is like the Ricoh yellow developer station someone submitted way back. Very funny to the poster, but those of us out of the loop....Emujo

[Akitu]

A man and his wife go golfing, and on the 8th hole he shanks the ball into a nearby barn. "Darn it," he says, "I'll have to take a penalty on that ball."
"No you don't," his wife says. "If I stand here and hold the barn door open, you should be able to get to the green in two."
So she holds the door open, and he takes his swing. The ball hits his wife in the head, killing her instantly.
A year to the day passes and it finds the golfer back on the same course, this time playing with a co-worker. As luck would have it, he shanks it again and ends up in the same barn.
"Don't worry," says the co-worker, "I can hold the door open and you'll be back on the fairway like that."
"Oh no," the golfer says, "I did the exact same thing a year ago with terrible results."
"What was that?" the co-worker asks.
"I got a 4 over," the golfer says.