Joke of the Day

[Akitu]

I was walking through the park a few weeks ago with my daughter, when she pulled at my hand and pointed over to what was 2 dogs having sex - she asked me "daddy what are they doing", to which I replied "they are making a puppy".
Anyways a few weeks later I was in the bedroom on top of my wife making passionate love to her, when my daughter burst in the room and said "daddy what are you doing", I said "we are making a baby", to which she started crying, and then whimpered "daddy please turn mummy over, I really want a puppy"...

[copymutt]

This video was made just for us! It gets a little tiresome as it's 7 minutes long, but its worth the wait.
If you think the technology we deal with gets blurred, then here is the layman's comprehension.

Verbatim: What Is a Photocopier? | Op-Docs | The New York Times - YouTube

Copymutt

[HenryT2]

Casual Fridays.jpg

[Luther]

A women goes to the dentist with a bad toothache after examining her the dentist asks"how would you feel about having that tooth pulled"?and she says "i would rather have a baby" to which the dentist says" well make up your mind i have to adjust the chair"

[Tonerbomb]

This video was made just for us! It gets a little tiresome as it's 7 minutes long, but its worth the wait.
If you think the technology we deal with gets blurred, then here is the layman's comprehension.

Verbatim: What Is a Photocopier? | Op-Docs | The New York Times - YouTube

Copymutt

That was fucking Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sdrawkcab]

MURDER IN TESCO

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was £10,000.

The Husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single pound coin that rested inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the pound as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the shop's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the premises.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...



'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for £1.00 @ Tesco

Oh, stop groaning! I don't write this stuff, I receive it from my warped friends and then send it to others just as warped as me.

[Lagonda]

MURDER IN TESCO




'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for £1.00 @ Tesco

Oh, stop groaning! I don't write this stuff, I receive it from my warped friends and then send it to others just as warped as me.

Yes, we definitely need a "groan" button next to the "like" button.

[emujo]

In honor of "Cinco de Mayo"....


What do you call 2 Mexicans playing basketball?

"Juan" on "Juan"


BTW happy belated Star Wars Day

[Shadow1]

Yes, we definitely need a "groan" button next to the "like" button.

Agreed... that one was so corny you could shuck it.

[Akitu]

I don't how many of you shop at Wal-mart, but this may be useful to know.
I am posting this to warn you of something that happened to me, as I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me and it could happen to you. Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping bags in the trunk. They both start wiping your windows with a rag and Windex, with their ample breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Wal-mart. You agree and they get in the back seat.
On the way, they strip naked and start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one cleverly steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, and also yesterday and most probably tonight.
Just thought you should know.