Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #2121
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by ZOOTECH View Post
    That second guy had a personal, drunken vendetta against walls. Gotta admire the bravado of the third guy though, "If I'm going down, I'm not going down easy!" Unfortunately for his poor, dumb ass, that counts as assault on an officer; and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be too lenient on pressing those charges after getting pissed on.
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  2. #2122
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Moishe was on his death bed, surrounded by his whole family. Blinded by old age, he raised his head gently and looked around with rheumy eyes. "Jacob, my son, are you there?"
    "Yes, Moishe, I am here," replied Jacob, solemnly.
    A moment later Moishe asked, "Sarah, are you there?"
    "Yes papa, I am here," his daughter Sarah assured him, patting his shoulder.
    "Joshua," croaked the ailing Moshe, "Are you there?"
    "I'm here poppa," said Joshua taking his hand.
    Moshe raised himself on his elbow,
    "Then who the hell is minding the shop?!?"
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  3. #2123
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    My girlfriend came home early last night and nearly caught me looking at the England game. Luckily I managed to put porn on and get my c**k out in time to save any embarrassment.




    Q: What's the difference between England and a tea bag? A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
    When you think you have made a procedure idiot proof your company employs a better idiot.

  4. #2124
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by skynet View Post
    My girlfriend came home early last night and nearly caught me looking at the England game. Luckily I managed to put porn on and get my c**k out in time to save any embarrassment.




    Q: What's the difference between England and a tea bag? A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
    The Aussies like black tea so we left the Cup about a minute later....
    Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
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  5. #2125
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when
    you grow up?"

    Being somewhat experience with little Johnny's answers
    she tries to ignore his efforts to be called upon, but since he's
    the only one with his hand up she finally asks and . . .

    Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the
    most expensive clubs, take the hottest women with me, give
    her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in
    Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe,
    an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a
    day".

    The teacher, once again shocked, and not knowing what to do with
    the bad behavior of Little Johnny decides not to give notice or importance to what
    he said and goes on with the lesson. But is soon relieved to see that now
    Susie has her hand up.



    "And you, Susie? What do you want to be when you grow up? " the teacher asks.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    .
    .
    Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."
    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  6. #2126
    FSS / SPM 100+ Posts Setright's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by DWise View Post
    Famous Presidential Lies Contest


    Obama:


    • If elected I will end the war in Iraq and Afghanistan within the 1st 9 months of my term.
    • I will close Guantanamo within the first 6 months of my term.



    I took note of these two promises in particular, and every time I remind my countrymen they all seem to have forgotten. I live here in my native Denmark, and most people here still believe Obama is some kind of world savior.

  7. #2127
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    After his team was eliminated from the world cup, the Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.
    According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  8. #2128
    AutoMajical Resolutionist 2,500+ Posts
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Setright View Post
    I took note of these two promises in particular, and every time I remind my countrymen they all seem to have forgotten. I live here in my native Denmark, and most people here still believe Obama is some kind of world savior.

    There are still plenty of these fools here in the states also, but more are starting to see the light.....................
    Mystic Crystal Revelations

  9. #2129
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts HenryT2's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Akitu View Post
    Keep the political crap elsewhere, this thread is for real jokes.
    You are absolutely correct ..............

    Quote Originally Posted by Setright View Post
    I took note of these two promises in particular, and every time I remind my countrymen they all seem to have forgotten. I live here in my native Denmark, and most people here still believe Obama is some kind of world savior.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tonerbomb View Post
    There are still plenty of these fools here in the states also, but more are starting to see the light.....................

    And This , Ladies and Gentlemen ( as Akitu has pointed out ) is Not a joke !
    "The Serenity Prayer" . . .
    God grant me the serenity to accept stupid people , the courage to not waste my time and energy on them , and the wisdom to know that I cannot fix STUPID .

  10. #2130
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    When you think you have made a procedure idiot proof your company employs a better idiot.

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