Joke of the Day

[fixthecopier]

cop pulls 2 people over

Walks up to the driver and ask for the licence.

The driver stalls and takes too long to find it and the cop reaches into the window and smacks him in the face. The driver yells "what was that for?"

Cop says that was for wasting his time. He checks the drivers info, write him a ticket for speeding and before he lets him go, he walks to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls it down and the cop smacks him in the mouth.

"What was that for" screams the passenger.

"I was granting your wish" said the cop

"What do you mean"

The cop replied "You know damn good and well you would have got a mile down the road and said ..I wish that mother fucker would have hit me like that!"

[NeoMatrix]

I'm certain that was posted very early on, and possibly reposted mid way. Still a good joke, regardless.

We're safe from alziehmers...wheeew..
The joke thread has now reached maximum pages. Each joke post from now on pushes one old joke off the end of the forum list. So it's okay to repost old jokes cause know one will know your suffering from alziehmers.

Did I tell everyone the joke thread has now reached maximum pages....... ...

...just jerking on ya bean pole....

[fixthecopier]

I find myself repeatedly driving around with my blinker on. You can't stop the onset of old-timers disease.

[NeoMatrix]

I find myself repeatedly driving around with my blinker on. You can't stop the onset of old-timers disease.

is that :
on-timers disease(as in late)
one-timers disease(as in santa comes once)
old-timer disease(as in only parents get old)
odd-timer disease(as in missing the dunny)
egg-timers disease(as in 3min memory)
.
.
.
?

[ZOOTECH]

is that :
on-timers disease(as in late)
one-timers disease(as in santa comes once)
old-timer disease(as in only parents get old)
odd-timer disease(as in missing the dunny)
egg-timers disease(as in 3min memory)
.
.
.
?

YES!!!

[Brian8506]

A very successful attorney parked his brand new Porsche 911 Turbo in front of
his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he was getting out, a truck came barreling down the road, drifted right and completely tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a cop was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the now door-less Porsche with his lights flashing.
Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his precious Porsche, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again, would never be the same.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief, "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said, "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck
hit you!"

"OHH, MY GOD!" screamed the lawyer. . . "My Rolex!"

[Akitu]

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect. They end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly Teddy Bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall. It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears. She is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
But, she doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Just maybe, this could be the future father of my children. She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly and they continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says --
'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf.'

[Tonerbomb]

I find myself repeatedly driving around with my blinker on. You can't stop the onset of old-timers disease.

I hope you have plenty of Blinker fluid.....................................

[HenryT2]

is that :
on-timers disease(as in late)
one-timers disease(as in santa comes once)
old-timer disease(as in only parents get old)
odd-timer disease(as in missing the dunny)
egg-timers disease(as in 3min memory)
.
.
.
?

I call mine PART-TIMERS ......

'cause it ...
uh , 'cause , uh ...

I call mine PART-TIMERS .......

[fixthecopier]

You know , we got away from teaching our kids the basics...